


harder to breathe

by movingforthesakeofmotion



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, also: there will be possession in this, as in someone will get possessed by a ghost, i'm sorry i swear one day i won't write angsty holtzbert but i feel like it's in my nature, this is angsty af cause i'm mean af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:35:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8196151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/movingforthesakeofmotion/pseuds/movingforthesakeofmotion
Summary: Erin Gilbert left everyone. Left Abby, and Patty, the Ghostbusters...left Holtzmann.And now she thinks she can come back after three months and everything can be okay.Holtzmann's about to prove to her just how wrong she is.eventual Holtzbert, with a shit ton of obstacles in between cause angst!





	1. Chapter 1

“Uh, Holtz?” 

Jillian Holtzmann rests her blowtorch down onto the table in front of her, her wrists aching from holding it up for so long as she looks up into the face of her best friend Abby, who is digging through her bag for something with a frown on her face. 

“Yah?”

“I’m gonna head out for a few hours, but I’ll be back, is that okay?” Holtzmann raises an eyebrow and shrugs.

“You do you, Abs. Patty’s got that wedding in like an hour, so Kev and I can hold down the fort, right Kev?” Holtzmann calls out, and Kevin leans back from his seat at the reception area and gives her the thumbs up.

“We can play hide and seek! I need the practice!” He shouts out. Holtzmann winks at Abby.

“See? We’ll be fine.” She rolls her eyes, but Holtzmann can see the anxiousness in her face.

“Okay. I gotta go.”

“Okay...” Abby rushes out, barely even saying goodbye to Kevin and Holtzmann frowns, removing the goggles from her eyes and shoving them upwards to rest in her haphazard hair.

Why was Abby so on edge? Holtzmann looks at the calendar on the wall and slaps a hand to her forehead.

Of course. It’s officially been six months since the vortex situation that had almost destroyed the world, six months since Rowan’s little experiment with breaking the barrier and unleashing paranormal entities all over New York. Of course, they had saved the day, Abby, Patty, Holtzmann and-

_Don’t think about her!_

Holtzmann closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in, willing her racing heart to calm down. 

“Yo, where’d Abby go?” Patty says, walking into kitchen from the living room. Her expression turns from confusion to anger as she sees Holtzmann working in the kitchen.

“Ay, you have got an entire lab upstairs to do all this shit in! Why are you doing it here?”

“Better access to snacks.” Holtzmann says simply, and Patty rolls her eyes.

“Unbelievable.”

“Also, Abby said she’s gonna be gone for a few hours but she’ll be back.” Patty suddenly freezes and her eyes go wide before she nods once.

“Uh, yeah, alright....okay.” Holtzmann cocks her head to the side and observes Patty’s behavior, which is anxious and nervous until she suddenly claps her hands together and chuckles nervously.

“So, uh...how you been?” She asks Holtzmann, who shrugs.

“Getting by. You?”

“No, I mean, about...you know, uh...Erin, and what not...” She trails off and Holtzmann feels a shiver run down her spine.

“She’s gone, Patty. Nothing else to it.” 

“You’re acting like she’s dead, she just left, Holtzy.” Patty says softly. Holtzmann ignores the pain that flares in her chest and instead grabs the pack lying on the kitchen table.

“You’re right, I should do this upstairs.”

“Wait, Holtzy-.” Holtzmann ignores her and heads up the stairs, but as soon as she reaches the top, she throws the proton pack she’s holding to the ground in a burst of frustration and anger and flops down onto the couch, the tears welling up before she can stop them. 

Memories flood through her mind, of Erin...of everything that had happened after that day with the vortex. 

Holtzmann had never been happier than the moment she had seen Erin and Abby come through that vortex, their hair white, but the rest of them otherwise unharmed. She remembers the bar, a few days after they saved New York, and remembers the speech she’d delivered, and how she had known right there in that moment that what she felt for Erin was much more than friendship. 

She remembers Erin’s reaction when Holtzmann had jokingly told her mentor, Dr. Rebecca Gorin, that she and Erin were dating. She remembers Erin approaching her later on that day, and asking her if she had meant it as a joke...she remembers Erin leaning in and whispering that she wished it wasn’t one. Holtzmann remembers kissing her, remembers how soft her lips were, and how Erin had tangled her hand in Holtzmann’s hair before Holtzmann had pulled back and she’d finally plucked up the courage to ask Erin out on a date, and the relief that had flooded through her when Erin had said yes.

Those three months of pure bliss, of affection and care and love and the feel of Erin’s skin against her own as Erin breathed her name out amongst moans and whimpers-

A low whine escapes her throat and she pressed her knuckles against her eyes, trying to rid herself of the memories.

And then she remembers the other memories...

She remembers Erin running into the firehouse, a look of pure excitement on her face. 

_“Abby! Abby, they want us to do a presentation at Columbia University! All of us!”_

She remembers Abby’s excitement. Hell, even Holtzmann was excited. She remembers the both of them planning for days on what they would talk about before Holtzmann had walked in on Erin in the middle of a facetime call with Professor Filmore, who was looking at her sternly.

_“The presentation was only for you, Dr. Gilbert. You have to understand our hesitation to allow your other colleagues to present here, particularly the engineer. The woman is very clearly a menace, Dr. Gilbert, clearly there are mental issues there, ADHD, perhaps Autism as well, and we can’t have someone like that presenting at this institution-.”_

“Holtzy, baby? I’m leaving.” Patty’s voice breaks her out of the memory and Holtzmann lets out a shaky breath.

“Okay.” She says simply. She hears Patty sigh before the sound of her descending the stairs echoes around the room. 

Kevin comes up to the lab about an ten minutes after Patty leaves, and he simply watches Holtzmann on the couch for a few seconds before speaking up.

“Everything okay, boss?” Holtzmann sighs and looks up at him with a lopsided smile.

“Yeah, Kev.”

“Okay. Just thought I’d check up on you.” 

“Thanks, Kev.” He smiles warmly before heading back down the stairs and Holtzmann buries a pillow over her eyes. 

Erin left. She left all of them, and she didn't even think twice about it. And Holtzmann had begged her...begged to stay, like an idiot...

_"I can do this presentation and be back-."_

_"You won't come back and you know it, Erin! If they give you your tenure again, you're gonna take it! Just...stay. Please...Erin stay here, with me..."_

_"I'm so sorry, Holtz..."_

Why didn't she stay? Why wasn't Holtzmann enough for her? These questions have plagued her for three months and she's no closer to getting an answer than she was back then.

"Fuck..." She cuddles the pillow around her eyes to her stomach and tries her best to breathe, closing her eyes and trying to ignore the memories of Erin and her together, and happy...god they were so happy...

 _"If you walk out of that door, you don't come back!"_

She walked...right out of her life as Ghostbuster, right out of her life with Holtzmann...

She needs to stop moping. Erin is gone and nothing is bringing her back. And she's not doing anyone any good sitting here and brooding about it.

She doesn’t realize she’s dozed off until she opens her eyes and looks at the clock to see she’s suddenly skipped three hours into the future. She sits up on the couch and decides she might as well attempt to get some work done.

She heads back down the stairs, dragging the proton pack she smashed to the ground with her and throws it onto the kitchen table. She walks over to small boom-box they have with a sigh and turns it on. She’s lost her CD filled with her 80’s music that she loves, but the current radio station she’s listening to is playing “old school” music from the early 2000’s, so Holtzmann’s not having a completely horrible time. 

She bops her head to the music, some alternative rock song and gets to work fixing Patty’s proton pack when the door to the firehouse opens and Abby walks through. 

And someone Holtzmann never thought she’d see again steps through with her.

Holtzmann's heart stops at the sight of her, and her hand freezes on top of the proton pack, her whole body shaking and her knees buckling-

Abby leads her forward through the entrance and toward the kitchen as soon as she sees Holtzmann in it and Kevin cheers loudly from the reception area.

"Erin! You're back!"

"Hey, Kevin..." God the sound of her voice, fuck...Holtzmann can't stop her hands from shaking and she drops the tools she's holding as Kevin jumps up and gives Erin a warm hug.

"We missed you!" He says, grinning. She smiles at him and Holtzmann is frozen, completely stuck and unable to move or think or speak or feel-

"I missed you, too." Erin is avoiding looking into the kitchen, but Abby reaches behind her and grabs Erin's hand, dragging her in anyway, her eyes never leaving Holtzmann as the guilty look on her face only deepens when she sees Holtzmann completely immobile and frozen.

“Holtzmann, I...I know this is gonna come as a shock, but-.”

“Holtz?” The sound of Erin Gilbert’s voice causes a fury unlike any other to boil up inside of Holtzmann and her gaze moves up to meet Erin’s sky blue eyes, which are filled with shock and what looks like remorse.

Abby looks between them both in worry and Holtzmann swallows the lump currently forming in her throat as the music currently flowing out of the radio perfectly encapsulates what she’s feeling.

_“Is there anyone out there, ‘cause it’s getting harder and harder to breathe.”_

***************************************

“Holtzmann, can you come out now, please? Just talk to me.” 

Holtzmann screws her eyes closed and leans over the sink, bile rising in the back of her throat as she turns the tap on and splashes water on her face, her heart still racing.

She’s not sure why, but before Erin could answer Abby’s question, Holtzmann had darted out of the lab and into the bathroom, and Abby had rushed after her, banging on the door for the last fifteen minutes and asking her to come out.

But Holtzmann will stay in this bathroom for the rest of her natural born life before she faces Erin Gilbert again.

Three months. Three fucking months and now she comes back?

Holtzmann doesn’t understand, doesn’t want to understand-

There’s another knock on the door and she ignores it.

“Jillian? Please…please come out.” 

Holtzmann freezes at the sound of her voice. 

“Look, I know…I know it’s been awhile, but please. Let’s be professional here, this behavior is-.”

Erin doesn’t get to finish her sentence because before she can stop herself, Holtzmann’s hand is on the door handle and she throws it open, her face contorted in fury that freezes when she comes face to face with Erin Gilbert for the first time in three months. 

Erin’s breath catches in her throat and Holtzmann’s pretty sure she’s forgotten how to breathe as her eyes roam over Erin’s face, her blue eyes that are filled with tears as she bites her lip and smiles at Holtzmann sadly.

“It’s-It’s good to see you again.” She whispers. 

“My behavior is what?” Holtzmann says, her voice a low whisper, and Erin’s smile fades.

“Wh-what?”

“You said ‘this behavior is’, and then you stopped. What’s this behavior, Erin?” Her voice shakes when she says her name and Holtzmann hates herself for it, hates that a stupid name has this power over her. Erin winces, but recovers quickly and shakes her head.

“Holtz-.”

“Unacceptable? Too ADHD? Too autistic?” Holtzmann spits out, and Erin’s eyes widen as she steps back in shock.

“Wh-what? Holtzmann-.”

“You don’t get to say my name. Ever. You leave me the hell alone.” She hisses, and she’s surprised to find herself advancing on Erin, who lets the tears fall freely now, as Abby watches on in shock and awe.

“You never gave me the chance to explain, Holtz-.”

“Don’t. Say. My. Name.” She growls, and Erin presses her lips together firmly as Holtzmann rounds on Abby.

“What? Is this her coming back? Cause if it is...I’m out.” 

“Wait, what?” Holtzmann doesn’t give Abby a chance to argue before she’s walking to the lockers, prepared to grab every last thing she owns in this place and leave without a second glance.

“Holtzmann, please!” Holtzmann bites down on the inside of her cheek and ignores Erin’s pleas, but when Abby suddenly rushes forward and grips her forearm, she freezes.

“Holtz, please, don’t go. You’re my best friend.” Abby’s voice is small, and Holtzmann feels her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces as she turns to see tears in Abby’s eyes, her face torn in anguish.

“Abby, I’ll-I’ll go. It’s okay-.” Erin reaches down and clutches her briefcase, about to head for the door when Abby grips her forearm, too.

“No. You’re my best friend, too, and you belong here. You know you do. Both of you are gonna sit here and talk about it, because neither of you are leaving until you come to an impasse.” Holtzmann scoffs and Abby looks at her with a sigh.

“I don’t want to work with her.” Holtzmann says simply. Erin sighs and her hand reaches out for Holtzmann’s shoulder and as soon as she makes contact, a jolt of electricity sparks through Holtzmann and she jumps back like she’s been set on fire.

“Don’t touch me!” She growls. Erin’s eyes widen in shock before her hand falls down to her side uselessly. 

“Can we just talk about this? Please?” She begs.

“I don’t owe you anything.” Holtzmann says airily.

“I’m not saying you do, but can we just talk, please? If not for me, then for Abby.” Holtzmann’s eyes move over to her best friend, whose expression slightly tears Holtzmann’s heart in two and she hangs her head, scuffing her shoes against the floor before finally sighing.

“Fine.” 

Abby lets out a sigh of relief and grabs both their hands, leading them into the living room.

“You stay here, and you talk. If I hear a fight break out, I’m punching both of you in the face.” She points her index finger at both of them to make them stay as they sit down on the couch in the living room and Abby is still watching them as she slowly backs out of the room.

As soon as she’s gone, silence takes over.

Holtzmann looks everywhere but at Erin, but she can see her fidgeting with her own fingers in her lap from her peripheral vision before Erin lets out a big sigh and looks up at her.

“Holtzmann-.” Holtzmann’s breath catches in her throat and Erin sighs in frustration.

“Well what am I supposed to call you?” 

“Just...anything but that.” Holtzmann whispers hoarsely. Erin’s expression softens and she clears her throat.

“Jillian...I know things ended badly between us-.”

“Understatement of the century.” Holtzmann mutters under her breath.

“But you never stuck around to hear my side of the story. Do you think you can put your anger aside for two minutes to hear me out?” 

Holtzmann stays silent, so Erin ploughs on cautiously, her eyes on Holtzmann the entire time.

“When you overheard that call, of Professor Filmore saying all those things about you-.” 

Holtzmann can’t help but wince, and Erin stops talking abruptly as Holtzmann closes her eyes and tries to rid herself of the memory of hearing those words echoing around in her mind.

“Holtzmann-.”

“You didn’t...you didn’t defend me.” Holtzmann’s voice sounds weak and pathetic and she hates herself for it, but she can’t stop it. She feels weak and pathetic. She feels pathetic that this woman ever had such a hold on her, that she even cared what this Professor Filmore thought of her-

“I didn’t get the chance to! I saw you at the door and the first thing I thought of to do was hang up the phone and talk to you-.”

“No, the first thing you thought of to do was not say anything to defend your girlfriend so you wouldn’t ruin your chances of doing the presentation and possibly getting your tenure back.” Holtzmann snaps through gritted teeth. Erin’s teeth catch her bottom lip and Holtzmann knows she’s got her.

“Right?”

“N-No, Holtzmann-.”

“Stop lying for once in your life and just admit that you cared more about your stupid tenure than me, Erin.” 

“Holtzmann, it was just a presentation! I knew they weren’t going to give me back my tenure-.”

“Then where the hell have you been for the last three months?” Holtzmann’s voice is straining against her anger and Erin sighs.

“I’ve been home. I’ve been wanting to come back every day since, but I knew you were angry, and I knew Abby was angry, too, but there’s nothing else I want to do more than this-.”

“Then you never should’ve left.” 

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“So why did you?”

“Because I thought-.”

“You’d get your position at Columbia back? Either way you were gonna leave us, Erin. You were gonna leave me.” Holtzmann’s voice breaks and she stops talking before she gives away anything else. Erin pinches the bridge of her nose with her thumb and her index finger, taking a deep breath in.

“Holtzmann...” 

“Why are you here?” Holtzmann says, before she can say anything. Erin looks at her.

“I’m here because this is my home. Because I lost my way for a bit and...Holtzmann, please...just listen to me. What Professor Filmore said was harsh and wrong, and you didn’t deserve that. And I’m sorry I didn’t defend you and I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, or tell him to shove his tenure and that presentation up his ass. I’m just...I’m so sorry.” Erin’s voice trails off in a whisper and Holtzmann feels the tears well in her eyes before she can stop them.

“I loved you.” She croaks out. Erin’s head snaps up to look at her and Holtzmann brushes away her tears without looking at Erin and clears her throat before standing.

“Come back home. Patty misses you, and so does Abby.”

“And you?” Erin whispers. Holtzmann closes her eyes and shakes her head.

“You...you just stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of yours.” She walks away before Erin can get a word in.


	2. Chapter 2

The next week is the biggest challenge both Erin and Holtzmann have ever had to face in their entire lives.

Holtzmann knows she’s being immature, but she can’t help it. Every time Erin looks like she’s having a good time with Abby and Patty, Holtzmann’s stomach twists and she finds herself shuffling toward the stairs to her lab to get away from all of them before her heart really starts hurting.

“Can you just try and forgive her?” Abby had asked her.

Holtzmann had simply shaken her head and moved to the stairs, ignoring the sighs of frustration from her best friend.

Abby may be forgiving, but every time Holtzmann even thinks about it, Filmore's stupid face and his stupid words echo in her mind, and for some strange reason, Erin nodding along and agreeing with Filmore has also become part of the memory, even though that's not what happened.

_It was probably seconds away from happening anyway, but then she saw me watching..._

Erin, meanwhile, continues to try and make small talk with Holtzmann, who simply gives her one worded answers or grunts in response.

“Are you ever going to actually engage in a conversation with me?” Erin asks one morning, and Holtzmann shrugs.

“When I’m in a good mood, maybe.”

“Holtzmann-.”

“If this is you staying out of my way, you’re doing a very poor job of it.” 

Erin left her alone after that. 

Holtzmann sighs in frustration and sinks down further against the tiled wall of the bathroom. It’s officially been a week and two days since Erin rejoined the Ghostbusters and Holtzmann is exhausted.

She’s so tired of constantly watching her back for Erin, of being shut up in her lab working 24/7 to keep her mind off the fact that Erin Gilbert, the Erin Gilbert who broke her fucking heart is in this building again...

Abby tries to understand, but Holtzmann knows she never can. Holtzmann had faced the challenges of having ADHD and Autism her whole life, had faced the teasing and the laughter and the constant shutdowns that eventually drove her to a diagnosis of social anxiety along with everything else she has. 

But to have someone so high up, so prestigious, tell her that the very thing that made her who she was, made her Holtzmann, was what was undeniably an embarrassment?  
Yeah, they’ll never understand how that felt. 

Add the fact that the woman she loved had barely said anything to help defend her, and really it’s icing on the cake.

She feels like she’s back at square one of feeling unworthy and useless and she hates it so much. 

“Yo, Holtzy? You in there?” Patty knocks against the door and Holtzmann takes a deep breath in before standing and opening the door. 

“Yeah, sorry, Patty.”

“It’s okay, baby. You alright?” Patty asks, looking at her friend with concern. Holtzmann fakes a smile and winks at her.

“Never better.” 

She notices Erin watching her as she makes her way to the stairs, but she ignores her and heads up to her lab, content to spend the rest of the day fixing the final touches of the proton pack for the very woman causing her all this distress.

Meanwhile Erin, who watches Holtzmann walk up the stairs, ignores the pangs of regret and anger at herself that hit her as she watches the one woman she cares about more than anything rush up the stairs, all to avoid her. She has no idea how to fix the relationship between her and Holtzmann.

Those final words Holtzmann had shouted at her before she left still echo in her mind and she has no idea how to get over them.

_"If you walk out of that door, you don't come back!"_

Erin doesn’t even know why she had kept walking. Perhaps it was the anger that Holtzmann was making her choose. She didn’t understand how hard Erin had worked for everything, how many hours and blood and sweat and tears had gone into getting that tenure and the respect from her colleagues at Columbia.

But she had no intention of going back to them. Especially after Professor Filmore’s comments. Erin had every intention of giving him a piece of her mind before she heard Holtzmann at the door and saw the expression on her face.

Of course Erin was seconds away from defending her. She loved Holtzmann more than anything but Holtzmann’s anger was so unparalleled, Erin couldn’t even get a word in. And then Holtzmann was telling her that if she left she shouldn’t come back. And Erin had walked.

Fuck, why did she walk?

“Abby…” Erin walks over to her best friend, glad that her relationship with Abby is still at least intact. Abby had been with her ever since she left, after she’d shown up on Erin’s doorstep the next day after the big fallout, crying and begging for forgiveness. They’d spent at least an hour sobbing in each other’s arms before Erin had realized how badly she’d screwed up. 

Abby looks up at her from her paperwork.

“Yeah?”

“Should I have come back?” Abby looks at her blankly.

“You’ve been wanting to come back ever since you left.”

“I know, but Holtzmann...”

“Give her time, Erin.” 

“I should’ve come back straight away, I don’t even know why I waited three months...”

“Because you needed a break. And so did she. I know you both better than anyone, trust me. Time is what is gonna fix this.” She offers Erin a warm smile and Erin bites her lip. 

“Can…can you come with me up to the lab to see Holtzmann?” Abby raises an eyebrow and Erin sighs.

“She hates me, Abby. Please…”

“What am I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know, come up with something?” Erin pleads. Abby sighs and nods once, standing up from her seat.

“Alright. Come on, you scaredy cat.” 

**********************************************************

Holtzmann spins around to the sound of the music and reaches for a screwdriver when Abby’s head suddenly appears at the top of the stairs, a frown on her face. Holtzmann hears more than one set of footsteps though and her heart stops when she sees that familiar head of brunette hair and bangs coming up the stairs with Abby.

In her lab now, too? This was her one place of peace, for god's sake...

Holtzmann ignores Erin tailing behind Abby, who is looking around Holtzmann’s lab with a look that’s a mixture of pain and happiness. Holtzmann keeps her eyes on the proton pack, because having Erin in this room just reminds her that every part of this lab has Erin’s mark on it.

“Hey, Holtz, have you heard from Kevin?” Holtzmann frowns. Their bumbling, yet devilishly handsome receptionist had been missing in action for two whole days now, and Holtzmann, despite how much she loves Kevin and his complete and utter lack of intelligence, is starting to think it’s time they got a new receptionist. Now that they were more in demand, they needed someone who could actually do this job properly.

“Uh, no, I have not heard from our big old robot of a receptionist, have you tried calling him?” Abby shakes her head with a frown before nodding once.

“Might try that.” Holtzmann raises an eyebrow as Abby looks between Erin and Holtzmann and she suddenly has a mad urge to slap Abby in the face as she saunters toward the stairs and makes her way down them, looking between them both once more.

Of course Abby knew that calling Kevin was her best option.

Erin glances at her awkwardly and Holtzmann sighs and shoves her goggles back over her face, deciding to ignore her as she continues working on Erin’s proton pack. Erin watches her work for a few moments before she clears her throat.

“Hey, uh...Holtz?”

“Mmm?” Is Holtzmann’s only response, holding back a wince as the sound of her name leaving Erin’s lips sends daggers through her heart.

“Thank you. For doing this for me.” Holtzmann simply grunts and Erin sighs.

“You didn’t have to.”

“I did it for Patty and Abby. Not you.” 

“And fixing my pack?”

“I’m not gonna leave you to fight a ghost unarmed.”

“Why not? I haven’t been very good to you.”

“No one has. Except for Abby and Patty. And Kevin. He’s been pretty nice, too.” She shrugs and Erin bites her lip.

“Holtzmann...”

“I’m busy.” Holtzmann still isn’t looking at her and Erin suddenly rushes forward and slaps her hands down on the table.

“Can you just look at me, please?” She shouts desperately. Holtzmann’s eyes stay focused down on the proton pack on the table, but her hands freeze in the position they’re in and Erin suddenly whimpers.

“Do you hate me that much?” Her voice quavers and Holtzmann shuts her eyes, trying to block her out-

“Erin! Holtzmann! Can you come here a second?” Abby’s shouts from the bottom of the stairs cut the tension like a knife and Erin lets out another small whimper that turns into a shaky chuckle.

“Saved by the holler, huh?” She whispers. Holtzmann walks right past her and down the stairs, her heart racing and the blood pounding in her ears.

She doesn’t get off that easy.

Three months of torture...

_She doesn’t get off that easy._

***********************************

Erin wipes away the tears from her eyes and takes a few deep breathes in, trying to calm herself down.

She shouldn't of exploded like that, shit...

She squares her shoulders before pounding down the stairs after Holtzmann, who’s frozen at the bottom with Abby charging at her anxiously, picking at her fingers and Erin knows she only does this when she’s anxious.

“Kevin says he’s not coming back!”

“What?” Erin says in shock, freezing with her foot just above the last step and Holtzmann suddenly moves out of her way, as if she’s desperate to get as far away from Erin as possible. Erin ignores the pang in her heart and instead focuses on her best friend.

“He said he quit last week, but he forgot to tell us.” Abby looks at Erin with a scowl and Erin closes her eyes with a sigh, her hand coming up to rest on her forehead in exasperation.

“Oh, Kev…”

“He’s got some new job, a lead role in some sci-fi movie, I don’t know, point is, we have no receptionist. And we need one yesterday.” Abby says frantically. Erin grips her friend’s shoulders and shakes her head.

“It’s okay, Abby, we’ve got plenty of ways to get people to come in and apply. We can post it on Facebook, on Twitter-.” 

“Erin, if we do that, we’ll have people lined up till the empire state building and you know it! We need to keep this small!” Abby exclaims.

“We can’t just go out onto the street and grab the first person we find, Abby.” 

Abby runs a hand through her hair, a look of pure worry on her face and Erin shakes her head.

“Abby, it’s gonna be-.”

They’re interrupted by loud knocking at the front door to the firehouse that echoes all around the first floor and they all jump before looking at it behind them, the red color of it almost daunting.

“Oh god, what now?” Abby breathes out. Erin grips her hand and leads her past reception and over to the door. Holtzmann trails behind them as Patty makes her way out of the living room.

“Who’s that?” She asks. Holtzmann shrugs as Erin reaches out for the handle and opens it slowly.

They’re greeted by a young woman with long, blonde curls that cascade down her back, her sky blue eyes filled with wonder and a look of pure innocence as she looks at them in shock before smiling and Erin can’t help but think that she’s stunningly beautiful, from her perfect hair, to her mesmerizing eyes, to her full lips, to her curvaceous body that’s still shown off despite the white blouse and brown pants she’s wearing, down to her goddamn high heeled shoes. 

_Where did she come from, a Victoria’s Secret catalogue?_

“Uh, hi! Is this the Ghostbusters?” Her accent is thick, and very, very Australian and Erin looks at Abby in confusion.

“Um…yes?”

“Oh cool! Hi, I’m Tessa, Kevin sent me. Did he tell you guys about me?” 

Her answer lies in the looks of confusion that all four women give her and her face falls.

“Of course he didn’t, can’t rely on him for anything, Jesus.” She rolls her eyes before digging into the bag on her shoulder and pulling out a piece of paper.

“He told me you guys would need a new receptionist, so I guess I’m here to apply.” She breathes out. 

“I-.”

“You’re hired!” Abby shouts out, a look of relief washing over her face. Tessa’s eyes widen in shock and Erin laughs uncomfortably, elbowing Abby in the ribs.

“Sorry, we’re a little desperate for a receptionist, but I think we should conduct an interview before we go hire-crazy, right, Abby?” She says through gritted teeth. 

Abby simply nods, but the look on her face says this girl has got the job already. Erin sighs and opens the door wider to let Tessa in.

“Come in, please.” Tessa smiles lightly before walking in. 

“Patty Tolan. So, another Australian receptionist, huh?” Patty says, holding her hand out for Tessa to shake. 

“Except this one is way more attractive than the last one...” Holtzmann says, a smirk taking over her features as she holds her hand out. Tessa takes it, a look of intrigue on her face.

“Holtzmann. Dr. Jillian Holtzmann.” She says, winking, and Erin sees the red color flush Tessa’s cheeks as she smiles.

“Uh, Tessa. Nice to meet you.” She breathes. Holtzmann grins and Erin feels the heat rise to her cheeks and her blood begin boiling at the sight of Holtzmann flirting-

“Ahem.” Holtzmann’s attention turns from Tessa, to Erin, who is watching her with wide eyes.

“Can we get on with the interview?” She says through gritted teeth. Holtzmann shrugs as Erin touches the small off Tessa’s back and leads her into the living room. Tessa’s heels clack against the tiled floor as she looks around in shock, her mouth semi-open as she scoffs in disbelief.

“Wow, this place is huge! It’s so strange, so many people would die to get in here, and yet here I am!” She chuckles and Erin smiles at her softly.

“So I’m guessing you’re a friend of Kevin’s?”

“Yeah! I’m his sister, actually. Half-sister.” Erin’s heart drops.

_Ah crap._

She should’ve known this girl was too good to be true. Although it makes sense that someone as drop dead gorgeous as her would be related to Kevin.

_Please let her have a higher IQ than him._

“Wow, keeping it in the family, huh?” Abby says, grinning.

“Should’ve known, look at her...” Erin hears Holtzmann whisper to Patty, who rolls her eyes but smirks, and Erin blocks them out as much as she can and focuses instead on Tessa. 

“Is that your resume?” Erin asks, pointing at the paper in her hand. 

“Yeah!” She hands it to Erin, who looks down at it and almost chokes.

“Holy…fudge.” 

Graduate at the University of Melbourne, which Erin can only assume is some prestigious college in Australia, with a Degree in Ancient and Modern History, with a GPA of 7.0.

“You’re Kevin’s sister?” The words spill out before she can stop herself, and Tessa chuckles.

“Uh, yeah. Half-sister.” She says. Abby snatches the resume off Erin and her eyes go wide as she reads it.

“What-How? Why are you applying for a receptionist job with a resume like this?” She exclaims. Tessa shrugs.

“I kinda wanna take it easy for a while, I’ve been working non-stop since I graduated university. Besides, I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of the paranormal, so what better way to get a first-hand view of it all, you know?” 

“You’re hired.” Abby says, and this time, Erin nods.

“Uh, yeah. I agree.” 

“Really? Wow, thank you guys so much, you won’t regret it!” Tessa’s eyes are shining with excitement.

“I hear that, any receptionist is a good one, as long as I ain’t the one answering the phones!” Patty says.

“It’d be a pleasure to have you on the team, Tessa.” Holtzmann says, winking at her once more and Erin bites down on her tongue and simply glares between the both of them as Tessa’s cheeks turn red again.

_You can’t do that. You can’t get jealous. You don’t have a right._

She gets jealous, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are always nice :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is pretty long!

Jillian Holtzmann prides herself in always knowing when something bad is about to happen.

But even she has to admit that lately, her radar for knowing when bad shit is about to go down has been malfunctioning lately.

Erin leaving was something she definitely did not see coming, and she definitely hadn’t anticipated Erin’s return, either.

So it shouldn’t come as a shock when the next bad thing to happen comes completely out of the blue as well.

About a week after Tessa officially joins the Ghostbusters as their new receptionist, Holtzmann observes her work and comes to very swift and stable conclusion that Tessa is much, much better at this job than Kevin. It also gives her immense, albeit guilty pleasure to see the look of jealousy on Erin’s face every time she even remotely talks to Tessa, which Holtzmann considers payback for every time she got jealous when Erin spoke to Kevin. Abby notices the tension every time Erin has a little jealousy episode and eventually approaches Holtzmann about it.

“Hey, do you think you can maybe tone down the flirting with Tessa?” She asks one day. 

“Why? It’s harmless fun.”

“Erin doesn’t see it that way.”

“I don’t care how Erin sees it.” Holtzmann lies. Abby sighs.

“Look, I get it, okay? You two aren’t exactly on good terms right now, but you’re still colleagues and I still need you both to have your head in the game when we go on a bust. So please, stop giving Erin a reason to not be one hundred percent focused.” Holtzmann bites her bottom lip and simply nods, and Abby gives her a warm smile that has Holtzmann’s mind made up.

From now on, she’ll simply talk to Tessa as a colleague.

But not for Erin’s sake, definitely not. For Abby. Completely for Abby.

Things appear to be going smoothly for the rest of the week. Up until the point where the shit hits the fan.

And Holtzmann really doesn’t see it coming.

Maybe she’s distracted, by Tessa, by Erin, by this whole fucked up situation.

It starts off as a typical Tuesday morning. The girls are gathered around the kitchen island for breakfast that Tessa had graciously picked up for them: Muffins and hotcakes from their local McDonalds. 

“So, hang on, just so I got your family history down, Kevin is your half-brother?” Patty asks Tessa, looking up from her pancakes at Tessa with intrigue.

“Yeah, on my Mom’s side. She had him first, with Kevin’s Dad, and then they got divorced and Kevin went off with his Father, and then my Mom got married again and had me, so...” Tessa shrugs and bites off a piece of her muffin and Holtzmann can’t help but find it a bit cute when a piece gets caught on her bottom lip, which she quickly swipes off with her tongue.

“Are you and Kevin close?” Erin asks. Tessa chuckles.

“Yes, and no. We met when I was like, ten, and he was seventeen. Then we didn’t really talk much until a few years later when Dad got a job here in New York and Kevin asked if he could come with us, so he did. He’s been with us ever since.” 

“I gotta ask...you do realize he’s not exactly-.” 

“The smartest crayon in the box? Yeah, it’s kind of a long story, one I probably don’t have any business telling. But he’s a good guy, and a great brother.” Tessa says, smiling fondly.

“Well, he’s like family to us.” Abby says, touching Tessa’s shoulder lightly.

“And now, so are you.” Patty says, raising her glass to Tessa, whose eyes widen in shock before she smiles warmly.

“Thanks guys.” 

The phone suddenly begins ringing loudly from the reception area and Tessa looks back before standing.

“I’ll grab that.” She rushes off and Holtzmann watches her go in appreciation. Tessa really is-

She hears the sound of someone clearing their throat and turns to see Abby looking pointedly at her before nodding her head slightly at Erin, who is looking at Holtzmann before she suddenly looks down at her pancakes with an expression between anger and sorrow. Holtzmann grits her teeth, but simply nods to let Abby know she’s got the message. 

“Uh, guys!” Tessa’s head pops out from the side of the wall and they all turn to look at her.

“We’ve got one! Times Square, I’ve got the exact address here! Some woman named Karen who’s saying she’s hearing strange noises in her apartment and that she’s seen some strange things.” Abby pretty much turns her chair over with how fast she stands and Holtzmann exchanges glances with Patty before abandoning her food and dashing toward their lockers.

“Let’s go catch us a ghost!” Abby whoops excitedly.

***************************************

They arrive at Karen’s apartment in less than fifteen minutes, a result of their now infamous Ecto-1 and it’s blaring siren pretty much dividing traffic as soon as it’s seen or heard barreling down the street and Holtzmann can’t help but wonder if the police ever get the amount of respect they do when they drive down the street with their sirens blaring.

The girls grab their Proton Packs from the back of the car and turn toward the apartment building to see a woman they assume is Karen come rushing down the stairs in nothing but a nightgown, a look of complete terror on her face.

“I saw it again, please, you gotta get this thing out!” She begs. Abby places a calming hand on her shoulder.

“We’ve got this. Now which one is yours?” Karen leads them up two flights of stairs before they arrive at apartment forty-two and she hands the key to Abby before stepping back from the door completely. Abby sighs and shoves the key into the lock before turning it. As soon as they hear a click, she exchanges glances with all of them, and they nod.

Abby throws the door open and they all aim their guns at-

An empty living room.

They frown, and Erin leads the charge, walking in, and as soon as Holtzmann steps through-

“Oh yeah, there’s a ghost here. I can smell that Ecto-discharge from a mile away.” Erin says, wrinkling her nose. 

The living room is pretty much empty apart from a TV unit and Holtzmann turns her head to see a hallway to her left.

“I’ve got this hallway.” She says simply. Erin nods once and Holtzmann heads down to see a bathroom through the first door on her right. She enters is slowly, looking around cautiously, but nothing vaguely ghost-like pops up.

Except for the green glow coming from the sink.

Holtzmann’s heart beats wildly and she can’t contain her excitement as she leans toward it, Abby’s name on the tip of her tongue.

“Ab-.”

She’s interrupted by the sound of a loud crash and screams before there’s the unmistakable sound of a Proton gun firing and Holtzmann spins around so fast, she’s surprised she doesn’t get vertigo.

But as soon as she reaches the door, she’s suddenly frozen.

She can’t move, her legs not responding to her mind telling it to move, and every part of her body suddenly feels like it’s on fire, her heart racing wildly as a cold sweat builds on her forehead and her body begins shaking uncontrollably as her vision suddenly blurs, the corners beginning to go dark as the breath she’s currently taking stops before she can finish it, and then suddenly she can’t breathe, and it feels like everything is becoming tight and constricted and she wants to call out for help, but all that comes out is a whimper and she’s suddenly falling to her knees as her body convulses violently without her consent and then the wood of the floor is flying up to her face and-

Darkness.

************************************************

She wakes to the feel of cold air rushing through and over her body and when she opens her eyes, everything is blurry. She blinks a few times, trying to adjust, but all she can feel is the cold sweat on her forehead, the drops of perspiration all over her body, and a dull aching on her forehead...

_Don’t worry, you’re fine. Now, get up._

The small voice in the back of her mind is calming, and she finds herself obeying it as she slowly adjusts herself into a sitting position carefully, and the pain that flares throughout her body is brief before that same voice tells her that the pain is just an illusion.

And she believes it.

The pain ebbs away and she blinks a few more times before the voice tells her to stand. So she does. She stands slowly, her legs feeling like jelly and she knows something is...off.

She doesn’t feel right.

_Now, grab that trusty little bandana in your pocket and wrap it around your forehead._

Her hand seems to snake down into the pocket of her jumpsuit and she finds her fingers working to tie it around her forehead, and the stinging that occurs when the fabric meets what must be an open wound on her forehead is brief until the voice tells her not to worry about it.

 _Good._

“Holtzmann! Holtzmann, we’ve got the ghost, but Erin’s hurt! We need you!” 

The words cut into her like a knife.

Erin. Her Erin. Hurt.

_Go to her. Act natural._

She can’t move. Erin’s hurt. Something’s stopping her from moving. Panic now, building, rising-

_Why don’t I just take over?_

She doesn’t respond. Simply waits for whatever’s next before she feels her body moving by itself without her command, and her heart begins to race as the panic settles in but then the voice is back again.

_No need to panic, Jillian._

So she doesn’t.

***********************************

“It’s just a scratch, Abby, stop!”

“It’s pretty deep, Erin! I think it might need stitches.” 

The word itself has Erin’s heart pounding faster and she feels the hair on the back of her neck suddenly rise as goosebumps erupt all over her body. She leaps up from her seat with wide eyes, her hand flying up to clutch the deep cut on the back of her right shoulder, which is completely exposed due to Abby practically ripping her shirt apart the second she got back to the firehouse and took off her jumpsuit. 

“No, no way.”

“Erin, stop being a baby. Patty, can you help-.”

“Patty, tell her it’s fine.” Erin cuts her off, her attention turning toward Patty, who looks a little green in the face.

“Baby, I love you, but y’all know blood makes me squeamish.” Abby sighs as she throws another wet paper towel into the sink (which is laden with wet paper towels covered in Erin’s blood) and Patty groans.

“I’m out. Good luck.” She practically rushes over to the living room to get as far away as possible and Erin’s attention instead turns toward the blonde engineer who is sitting at the island staring blankly ahead. Erin finds the pain of her injury is pushed to the back of her mind at the look on Holtzmann’s face.

“Holtz?” Erin leans over in front of Holtzmann until their face to face. But not even that gets Holtzmann’s attention, which confirms for Erin that something is definitely wrong, considering Holtzmann doesn’t like Erin being anywhere near her these days. Holtzmann’s eyes are distant and Erin frowns.

“Holtzmann? Everything okay?” Erin reaches out, her hand touching Holtzmann’s wrist and she jumps at the contact before her eyes come into focus and blue clashes with blue. 

“What?” Her voice is almost shaky, and concern for the young blonde floods Erin like a tidal wave.

“You’ve been kinda out of whack since we got back from the bust, are you okay?” Erin asks. Abby places another wet towel over the cut on her shoulder and Erin hisses in pain before turning her attention back on Holtzmann, who shakes her head as if to clear it from her thoughts.

“Never better, Gilbert. How bad is it?” She asks, but Erin shakes her head.

“I’m fine, I’m more worried about you.” She whispers, and she finds her fingers grazing the inside of Holtzmann’s wrist gently, the familiar feeling of it all making her heart ache painfully. Holtzmann looks down at the fingers touching her wrist and swallows loudly.

“Erin, the bleeding isn’t stopping, Holtzmann, can you help me out?” Abby says, her grip on Erin’s shoulder tightening and Erin has an overwhelming urge to slap her best friend for her lack of care about Holtzmann’s attitude right now. Erin knows Holtzmann’s been off ever since she came back but this is...different.

“Abby-.”

“Erin, shut up. It’s happening. Holtz, can you grab the needle and the thread in the little compartment on the left?”

“Wait a minute!” Erin jumps away from Abby’s grasp, her concern for Holtzmann suddenly in the back of her mind as she looks between her two fellow ghostbusters with a scoff.

“You’re gonna do it? Are you crazy?” Erin exclaims. Abby chuckles and throws the wet paper towel she’s holding into the sink.

“I took a first aid course a few years back, Erin, I know what I’m doing, trust me. I’ve stitched up some doozies on this one when she’s gone a little too hard in the lab.” She says, pointing at Holtzmann, whose expression suddenly shifts from emotionless, to a complete and utter maddening grin. 

“Yeah, she has. A lot of doozies.” She says, whistling, and Erin frowns, but Abby doesn’t pay attention, instead she grabs a lighter from the first aid kit and Holtzmann holds out a needle and thread, which Abby takes in her hands. She holds the lighter up to the needle, the fire spreading over the thin metal and Erin feels her stomach turn over. 

“Oh Jesus...”

“Holtzmann, you might wanna keep a hold of her hands, she tends to flail when she’s in pain.” Abby says. Erin glares at her before she steadies herself into a seat at the island and grips the counter, not expecting Holtzmann to help her in any way shape or form.

So it comes as a shock when Holtzmann reaches out, her fingers closing around Erin’s hands gently, and Erin feels herself shiver at the cold temperature of Holtzmann’s hands as she looks up at her in shock. 

“Keep still, doll face.” She says, and Erin looks up at her in shock.

“What-.” Holtzmann simply winks, and Erin blinks a few times, confused as Abby moves behind her. Something’s definitely wrong here, but she can’t put her finger on what it is.

“This is gonna sting.” Abby warns. Erin winces and ten seconds later, Abby presses something against her shoulder and a whimper escapes her lips as fire explodes throughout the right side of her body.

“God...” She moans and almost collapses, her left hand rising to meet her forehead and Holtzmann’s hand getting dragged along for the ride as Erin attempts to breathe in and out as much as she can.

“There’s no jagged edges to the skin, it’s a clean cut.” Abby says, interrupting Erin’s thoughts.

“Is that a good thing?” Erin asks weakly.

“Means I can stitch it without cutting any skin off.” Erin feels the bile rise in her throat and she almost sinks down on the benchtop as her head spins.

“Deep breath.” Abby says, and Erin can feel Holtzmann’s cold fingers gently follow the length of her forearm in a soothing stroke and she tries not to shudder as she takes a deep breath in and grips the hand that isn’t stroking her tightly. 

“Do it.” She says simply. 

The feel of the needle pushing through her already irritated skin sends shock waves of pain through her body, but she keeps herself still, instead using her left hand to grip the benchtop and her right to grip Holtzmann’s hand as she exhales the breath she’s holding. 

“Next time a ghost throws you against a mirror, try not to fall on the broken shards.” Abby says, and Erin scoffs.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Erin gasps out, her stomach turning at the feeling of the thread moving through her skin. 

“You’re lucky it’s a small cut, you only need about ten stitches.” Abby says behind her. 

“Only ten.” Erin says, looking up at Holtzmann sarcastically, who grins widely, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, as her grip on Erin’s hand tightens. 

Abby works on her for a few more agonizing minutes before Erin hears the sound of scissors cutting something and she turns her neck to look at her.

“All done?”

“All done.” Abby puts a bandage over Erin’s wound, which throbs painfully.

“Thanks, Abby. Thank you, too, Holtz.” Holtzmann winks at her once more before suddenly stretching out, her arms in the air as she groans.

“Time to get back to work.” She makes her way toward the stairs without a second glance and Erin watches her leave before looking at Abby.

“That’s not normal, right?” Abby watches Holtzmann go with a frown before she begins packing the first aid kit up.

“I don’t know...although once I got injured during an experiment we were both doing a few years back and she kinda freaked out in a similar way. She might just be a little shaken from you getting hurt. She’ll be okay.” Erin frowns.

“Holtzmann always gets injured, she doesn’t freak out.”

“Yeah, but...it’s you.” Abby mutters. Erin finds herself blushing despite herself and she sighs.

“I don’t think that’s it. She hates me.”

“Really? Then why was she just helping you?” Abby says, raising an eyebrow. Erin bites her lip and looks up the stairs despite herself and Abby chuckles under her breath.

“Go on.” Erin looks at Abby, who gives her a nod of encouragement before she squeezes Erin’s hand. Erin sighs before gathering herself up off the seat and moving toward the stairs. She’s fully aware that she’s pretty much in only her bra at this point, with one strap hanging off her shoulder so Abby had access to her wound, but her worry for Holtzmann has completely taken her over. She doesn’t care what she looks like: she just wants to know that Holtzmann is okay.

She walks up the stairs toward the second floor and reaches the landing. Her eyes browse over the entire floor, passing the gigantic tables filled with tools and proton pack parts and god knows what else, and she scans the room for that familiar poof of blonde hair to find Holtzmann lounging on the window sill to the far right of the room. She’s staring out of the open window, and Erin sees her lift her hand to her mouth and take a drag from a cigarette.

Holtzmann? Smoking?

“Holtz?” Erin calls out cautiously, making her way toward the window. Holtzmann blinks twice before turning to look at Erin, and she smiles, her first genuine smile since this morning, but her dimples don’t quite poke into her cheeks as they should.

“Gilbert, I think you’re forgetting something.” She says simply. Erin cocks her head to the side questioningly and Holtzmann chuckles before pinching her own shirt between her thumb and forefinger. Erin looks down at her lack of clothing and feels the heat rush to her cheeks as she rolls her eyes.

“Yeah well, Abby was desperate to get it off.” Holtzmann raises an eyebrow and Erin feels her cheeks burn even more.

“To get to my shoulder, I mean, I...it doesn’t matter, hey...” Erin sighs and sits down beside Holtzmann on the window sill, and Holtzmann’s sarcastic smile fades as she turns to stare out of the window once more.

“What’s going on?” She asks softly. Holtzmann sighs and takes another drag from her cigarette before shaking her head.

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head about.” Erin’s stomach turns at Holtzmann calling her ‘pretty’, but she ignores it.

“Yeah, well, I worry.” Erin says, before she plucks up the courage to reach out and touch Holtzmann’s knee. Holtzmann’s eyes dart down to the hand touching her knee before they slowly raise up to meet Erin’s. 

“I, uh...” She pauses, her teeth catching onto her lower lip before she sighs and stubs out the cigarette on the outside part of the window sill.

“I guess I’m just a little freaked... but I’ll be okay.” Erin frowns and squeezes Holtzmann’s knee before shaking her head.

“It doesn’t seem like that’s it, Holtz. Look, I know things aren’t exactly...good, between us. But you can talk to me.” 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Erin. I’m fine. Just a little spooked that you got injured, I guess.”

“We’re always getting injured.” 

“But it was you.” Holtzmann whispers, looking up at her. Erin feels the breath she’s taking catch in her throat and she clears her throat.

“Holtzmann, I know...I know that given our history, you might feel the need to protect me-.”

“I don’t. I just...” She trails off before sighing and resting her head on the back of the wall and Erin looks at her in surprise. She didn’t think Holtzmann still felt this way. She thought Holtzmann would be happy to see her get hurt, but here she is, completely lost in the fact that Erin was hurt today.

Erin can’t help the way her heart races at the thought of Holtzmann caring about her so much, despite everything that’s happened. 

“I’m okay. Alright? Injuries like this are gonna happen all the time, better to get used to it now, right?” Erin says. Holtzmann chuckles before nodding once.

“I guess.” 

They sit in silence for a few moments before Holtzmann clears her throat and Erin takes that as her cue to leave.

“Alright, I’m gonna leave you alone for a second, just...if you need anything.”

“Who you gonna call, right?” Holtzmann says, grinning. Erin chuckles softly before turning and walking down the stairs, and Holtzmann watches her go, some part of her desperate to call Erin back, to shout for help, but she can’t.

She has no control.

She feels her heart pound loudly in her ears as the voice in the back of her mind suddenly pipes up.

_Now that’s what I call deception. Good job. Now, let’s get to work on those Proton Packs..._

***************************

Erin can’t stop herself from glancing up at the stairs every five minutes from the living space on the first level of the firehouse. Holtzmann had disappeared to her workstation over an hour ago and they hadn’t heard a peep from her since.

“Should someone check on Holtzmann?” Erin asks, dragging her eyes away from the TV and looking over at Patty from the couch to the one beside it, where Patty is currently lying across it as she shrugs and flips to the next page of the book she’s reading on historical landmarks in New York.

“Nah, she’s probably busy tinkering away at somethin’, best give her space.”

Erin bites her lip when Tessa comes out from the reception area, her bag over her shoulder.

“I’m gonna head out, guys. Is Holtzmann upstairs?”

“Uh, yeah.” Tessa’s cheeks turn red and Erin sees her fuss with her hair as she clears her throat.

“I’ll say bye to her and then I’ll head out, if that’s okay.”

“I’ll join you.” Erin blurts out, standing up from the couch, and Tessa’s face falls before she nods.

“Oh, o-okay.” Erin hears Patty scoff behind her and she throws her a quick glare before following Tessa. They make their way up the stairs and as soon as they reach the top, Erin finds Holtzmann dancing around the place with headphones over her ears, and Erin’s eyes go over to the table, where she sees that Holtzmann has completely taken apart all of their proton packs.

“Uh, Holtz?” She calls out. Holtzmann doesn’t hear her, instead making her way over to her tools to grab a blowtorch. 

“Holtzmann!” Erin shouts. Holtzmann stops in her tracks and turns, pulling her headphones down and Erin notices her bandana slips down with them-

To reveal a very large and very nasty looking cut that’s bruising on Holtzmann’s forehead.

“Oh my god, Holtzmann!” Erin rushes forward, completely abandoning Tessa and grips Holtzmann’s elbow.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaat?” Holtzmann exclaims, looking at Erin rushing over to her with wide eyes.

“Your forehead! What happened?” Erin demands, sitting Holtzmann down on a seat and taking a closer look at the cut.

“Oh, that. I fell. It’s fine. Hi, Tessa.” She says, staring past Erin at their receptionist and winking at her.

“Hey! Uh, should I go get a first aid kit, or…” Tessa asks.

“Nothing to worry about, blondie. I’m fine. Happy to see you up here, though. You know, you’re welcome whenever you want...for whatever reason.” Her voice comes out low and husky and even though her words aren’t directed at her, Erin still feels a shiver go up her spine at the sound.

“Stop flirting and look at me!” Erin grips Holtzmann’s chin and forces her to look up at her.

“What happened?” Erin asks again more forcefully. 

“Erin, what’s going on up there?” Abby shouts from the bottom of the stairs.

“Nothing, everything’s fine!” Holtzmann shouts down. Erin bites her bottom lip and turns to look at Tessa, who is watching them with a frown.

“Hey, um, do you mind, just...”

“No, uh, no, sorry I’ll leave you two alone, uh...do you want me to get Abby, or...”

“No, it’s fine, actually, do you mind uh, not telling her about…?”

“Say no more. You got it, boss. Bye Holtzmann.” She smiles at Erin before winking at Holtzmann and making her way back to the staircase.

“I like her.” Holtzmann says, as soon as she’s out of earshot and Erin glares at her. 

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“You’re insisting I answer it.”

“Of course I am! This looks bad, Holtz.” Erin lifts Holtzmann’s chin up to get the light focused on her forehead, and Erin can see that the cut is simply caked in blood, as if Holtzmann simply shoved the bandana on it to stop it from bleeding. She knows Holtzmann is reckless, but this…

“Erin, you’re getting upset for nothing. I’m fine.”

“This is not fine, Holtzmann, please. If you’re not gonna tell me how it happened then at least let me clean it for you.” Holtzmann’s sky blue eyes meet Erin’s and there’s hesitation in them before she rolls her eyes and nods.

“Fine.” 

Erin rushes over to the small box that’s drilled into the wall and grabs the first aid kit. She makes her way back to the table where Holtzmann is waiting for her and opens the kit to find a small tube of Neosporin and bandages. She quickly grabs one of the bandages and goes to the sink to drench it in water before walking back to Holtzmann, who starts working on the proton packs again. 

“Can you stop for two seconds and let me do this?” Erin says with a sigh. Holtzmann looks up at her.

“Erin, I’m busy.” The words come out quite harsh and unexpected, and Erin looks at her in shock for a few moments before she recovers and rests her hands on her hips.

“Look, I get it, okay, you hate me, but that wound is bad and if I don’t fix it, it’s gonna get worse. So shut up and put up.” She grips Holtzmann’s chin in her hands and turns her to look at her rather forcefully and Holtzmann drops her tools on the table and suddenly growls under her breath. Erin feels a shiver go up her spine when she looks down at Holtzmann’s face to see her looking up at Erin with a raised eyebrow.

“Ooh, I remember rough Erin. Can she come out to play more often?” She whispers, her voice low and husky once again and Erin bites her lip to stop herself from whimpering. 

“You hate me and yet you’re still flirting?” She scoffs. Holtzmann shrugs.

“Tessa isn’t here. Might as well settle for second best.” Erin’s hand freezes over the wound she’s cleaning and she glares down at Holtzmann.

“Excuse me?” She says firmly. Holtzmann grins.

“Kidding.” Erin scoffs.

“Shut up.” Holtzmann makes the motion of zipping her mouth shut and Erin, in her anger, presses down on the wound harshly, but Holtzmann barely reacts, and Erin looks down at her with a frown.

“Painful?”

“Nah.”

“You’re a lot tougher than me, then.” Erin jokes, chuckling, and Holtzmann shrugs. They’re silent for a few moments before Erin bites her lip. She wants to ask Holtzmann so many things but she doesn’t know where to begin. She doesn’t know how to begin to apologize for the last three months, either...

“Hey, um, Holtz-.” 

She’s interrupted when Holtzmann suddenly gasps loudly and grips the wrist of the hand Erin’s using to clean her wound, and her hold is so tight, Erin finds herself wincing and trying to break her hold almost immediately before she looks at Holtzmann’s face to see her eyes are wide and filled with complete and utter fear.

“Erin, help me!” She screams, her grip on Erin’s wrist tightening and Erin is so shocked, she can’t move, can’t think, can’t breathe, all she can see is the pure terror in Holtzmann’s eyes-

And in the blink of an eye, it’s gone. 

Holtzmann suddenly clears her throat and shakes her head before letting go of Erin’s wrist and letting out a chuckle.

“Whoa, head-rush.” She says, looking up at Erin and Erin’s still frozen in shock before she finally finds her voice. 

“What the hell was that?” Erin whispers, her heart still racing at a million miles an hour. Holtzmann’s eyes go wide and she lets out another chuckle.

“Oh man, I really scared you, huh? Sorry Erin, just a, uh, little practical joke. I’m sorry. Won’t happen again.” Erin glares at her.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, well, yeah, I mean the whole ‘help me!’ was a joke, but me saying it was a joke is not a joke, if that makes sense-.”

Erin’s glare has her trailing off and she clears her throat.

“Bad joke. Sorry.” Erin simply rests a hand on her chest and forces herself to breathe when Holtzmann takes the wet bandage from her hands.

“I’ll take care of this, you go...calm down. I’m sorry, really, I didn’t think it’d affect you so bad.” Erin simply nods and makes her way to the staircase. Because she can’t really respond to anything right now.

Because even if it had been a joke, the terror in Holtzmann’s eyes is an image she can’t seem to get out of her head no matter how hard she tries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't kill me, I know, I'm a horrible person!


	4. Chapter 4

Erin’s pretty sure she’s never felt this many conflicting emotions at once. Not even when she left her best friends behind and quit the Ghostbusters.

This is beyond ridiculous.

It’s been a week since the bust at Times Square, and a week since Holtzmann’s behavior has been...different.

It’s not noticeable, at least not to Abby and Patty, who simply shrug every time Erin brings it up, but Erin notices it. She fucking notices it, because it’s not Holtzmann.

But it is at the same time.

She’s still the same old Holtz, dancing around her lab, the bandana still covering the cut on her head that Abby and Patty still have no idea about...still the same old Holtz, throwing suggestive comments at everyone, even Erin, which Erin takes a sign that something is off, but Abby takes a sign that things are finally starting to go back to normal.

“You don’t find it weird that less than two weeks ago, she didn’t even want to be in the same room as me and now she’s making suggestive comments and flirting with me?” Erin had said to Abby one morning, who had shrugged.

“I don’t get why you’re complaining, she’s back to the regular old Holtzmann! Enjoy it!” 

But Erin couldn’t enjoy it. Not when something was so obviously wrong. 

And she wants to approach her about it, and she wants to find out what's going on, but she knows deep down that she doesn't have the right to. Because she left. She left Holtzmann and she left her life with Holtzmann behind and she has no right to meddle in this woman's life anymore.

“Girl, you’d think you’d be happy that she’s even talking to you, let alone flirting.” Patty had said when Erin had brought it up with her.

“But it’s not Holtzmann. She was so angry with me-.”

“And she’s not anymore! It’s like you want her to be mad at you or somethin’. Lighten up, Erin!” Erin had bit her lip, her confusion only growing before Patty had simply chuckled and pinched her cheek before walking away.

And then there’s Tessa, who is...well...perfect. She’s gorgeous, and amazing, and is fitting in perfectly. The girls love her, she’s practically family at this point...

But Erin really misses Kevin.

And not because he’s attractive and fun to look at, because yes, he is...but so is Tessa.

And no one seems to agree more than Holtzmann.

Every opportunity Holtzmann gets, she’s flirting with her. And Tessa’s flirting right back. And Erin simply watches from afar, unable to do or say anything to either of them because it’s not her place to.

“Don’t you think it’s unprofessional?” Erin had hissed at Abby one day after finding Holtzmann leaning in to whisper something into Tessa’s ear, which had Tessa turning red and giggling.

“Uh, you drooled all over Kevin last time I checked. Besides, I think Holtz is still a little too uh, heartbroken to do anything else.”

“But-.”

“Erin.” Abby had only said that and Erin didn’t push the matter further, but she can’t help it. It’s taken over her mind completely.

She’s different.

Erin can’t put her finger on it, but Holtzmann is different and Erin can’t figure out what’s caused this change. But the thing that shocks her the most is that Holtzmann’s attitude has changed.

When Erin enters the room, she no longer zooms out of it at top speed. When Erin talks to her, she no longer grinds her teeth or grunts in response.

And Abby and Patty may see it as her getting over her anger, but Erin sees it something else entirely.

She just doesn’t seem to care.

The Holtzmann Erin remembers was carefree, yes, and a goofball, but she also cared deeply. For her friends, for her work...

But this Holtzmann is almost detached. Erin isn’t sure if it’s because she’s around, or because everything that had happened between them had truly changed Holtzmann into...well, this.

It’s been a week since their last bust, the one in Times Square that pretty much started off this change in Holtzmann’s behavior when Tessa yells out to them from the reception on a Thursday morning that they’ve got another ghost on the loose.

“Finally! It’s been too long!” Patty says, cracking her knuckles with a grin.

“I’ll load up the car.” Holtzmann says, and she rushes up the stairs to grab the proton packs as Abby, Patty and Erin walk over to Tessa.

“Address?”

“Here you go!” Tessa hands Abby the address on a slip of paper.

“What did they say?” Abby asks.

“Apparently things have been moving around the house, and yesterday a painting was thrown at her. This morning she woke up to a face looming over her body, which she thought was a dream, but she saw the same face this morning and it slapped a cup of coffee out of her hands. Her name is Andrea, she’s got two kids who are just as terrified as she is.” 

“Thanks, Tessa. Let’s go get rid of the ghost currently ruining their lives, huh?” 

“Car’s loaded!” Holtzmann calls out, running out of the garage with a grin as they all walk toward their lockers and put their jumpsuits on.

“Good luck, guys!” Tessa says, grinning at them. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll come back to you in one piece.” Holtzmann says, winking at Tessa.

“I should hope so.” She says teasingly, and Erin swallows the bile rising in her throat as she follows Abby toward the car. 

They get to Andrea’s house in twenty minutes, and it looks like your typical white picket fence house, until Erin sees the family standing outside of it. A woman Erin assumes is Andrea is standing with her hands on both her children’s shoulders, who look exhausted and terrified out of their minds. As soon as their car pulls up, Andrea is running over to them, her eyes wide with relief.

“Thank god, please help!” Abby gets out of the car and immediately begins calming Andrea down as Erin, Patty and Holtzmann walk around to the back of the car and pull out their proton packs. 

“You guys should stay out here, hopefully we can get this ghost out with minimal to no damage to your house.”

“Wait, what?”

“Come on, ladies!” Andrea looks as pale as a white sheet of paper as the girls walk toward the house, and Erin freezes when the door opens on its own.

“Oh, this ghost is practically begging us to capture his ass.” Patty says, looking at Abby in shock. 

“Then let’s go get him.” Abby walks in with no fear, and Erin can’t help but admire her best friend’s strength. Holtzmann follows her, and Patty walks in after her. Erin brings up the rear, and as soon as her foot goes over the threshold, the door slams shut behind her. She jumps in shock and Patty groans.

“That ain’t right.”

“Come out, come out, wherever you are!” Holtzmann sings, and Erin glares at her.

“Don’t antagonize it!” She hisses. Holtzmann shrugs with a grin. 

Abby walks forward into the living room-

And that’s when all hell pretty much breaks loose.

The light from the ceiling crashes down to the ground and Abby presses down on the trigger of her proton gun-

And nothing happens.

“What the-.” 

Abby presses down on it again as the ghost suddenly explodes out of the light, it’s sunken face turning to a grin as it looks at Abby before letting out a low groan and rushing toward her. Abby keeps pushing down on her trigger, but the proton pack continues to malfunction-

“ABBY!” Patty rushes forward and drags Abby back by the collar of her jumpsuit and they both fall to the ground as the ghost rushes over the top of them, and Erin looks over at Holtzmann to see her expression is blank once more-

“HOLTZ!” Erin presses down on the trigger of her gun and the relief that soars through her when a proton stream explodes from it and curls around the ghost has her hands shaking as she looks at Holtzmann once more.

“HOLTZMANN! THE TRAP! OPEN IT!” She shouts. Holtzmann’s eyes finally drag over to look at her, and she frowns before she shakes her head and Erin watches her in shock.

Why isn’t she opening it?

“HOLTZMANN!” She screams again. Holtzmann’s face screws up in anguish as she clutches her head and the ghost roars before rushing forward and Erin steps back, tripping over her own feet and falling flat on her back, fear truly gripping her now as the ghost moves closer to her, struggling against the proton stream holding it in place.

Erin grits her teeth and looks over at Holtzmann-

Who has the trap down on the ground and her foot hovering over the pedal, which she stamps on before firing her own proton gun at the ghost, dragging it over to the trap before it gets sucked through, letting out one last guttural roar before Holtzmann takes her foot off the pedal and the trap slams shut.

It’s quiet for about ten seconds as everyone catches their breath.

And then Patty explodes.

“What the hell just happened?” She shouts, looking at Holtzmann in anger.

“I...I don’t know-.”

“Holtzmann, why didn’t my pack work?” Abby says, standing up and looking at Holtzmann in confusion.

“I’m not sure, but I’ll have a look at it as soon as we get back-.”

“Holtzmann, you froze.” Erin says quietly. Everyone turns to look at her and Holtzmann raises an eyebrow.

“What?”

“You...” Erin bites her lip, but Abby is looking at her in confusion and Patty is looking down at Abby’s pack in anger.

“Never mind.” Erin says.

“Stupid pack! You almost died, Abby! Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine...just confused as to what happened to it.”

“I’ll fix it, don’t worry.” Holtzmann says, rolling her eyes, and Erin looks at her in worry.

Jillian Holtzmann would not treat this like it’s nothing. She would not roll her eyes. Jillian Holtzmann would be freaking out that her best friend almost died as a result of her not assembling a proton pack properly.

“Let’s just get back to the firehouse.” Abby says, sighing. 

Erin nods once and watches her and Patty walk out of the door, and she can’t help but watch as Holtzmann’s expression goes back to being blank as she lifts the trap and slides it back into the bottom of her proton pack, not even looking Erin in the eye.

The car ride is silent, and when they reach the firehouse, Tessa stands up from her desk with a grin that fades when she sees their faces.

“Everything okay?” She asks, her blue eyes wide with concern and Erin smiles at her.

“Yeah-.”

“Much better now.” Holtzmann says, grinning at Tessa, whose cheeks turn red. Abby glares at Holtzmann before scoffing and even Patty shakes her head as Abby drops her proton pack to the ground.

“Do you mind fixing this so I don’t die next time?” She hisses at Holtzmann, before walking away without a backward glance. Holtzmann watches her walk away blankly. Patty sighs and rushes off after her, and Erin just looks on in shock as Holtzmann chuckles and winks at Tessa.

“Abby’s a little mad at me. But it’ll be fine. So how was your afternoon without me around?” Erin walks away just as Tessa giggles and responds and Erin can feel her stomach turning.

Erin can’t do this. She can’t stand back and watch this continue to happen without talking to Holtzmann about it. 

So she makes an executive decision.

And Erin Gilbert has made a lot of stupid decisions in her life.

This is one of them.

Erin decides, when she enters the firehouse the morning after their bust gone wrong, with two coffees and two blueberry muffins, that she’ll talk to Holtzmann and finally understand what’s going on with her. 

She enters the firehouse at eight in the morning to find it empty. Abby and Patty are nowhere to be seen, but Erin can see lights coming from the second floor, meaning Holtzmann has to be here.

She drops her bag on Tessa’s desk and makes her way to the stairs.

It’s funny, because Erin’s pretty sure she could come up with a million different scenarios in her mind. A million different things that she could walk in on.

Holtzmann dancing and messing around with stuff like she usually does. Holtzmann screwing around with metal parts. Holtzmann snoring, fast asleep on the couch with a book of engineering on her chest, open and half read. Holtzmann passed out on her table, her glasses askew and her tools all around her.

So many different scenarios, but the one she walks in on is not one of the million she has in her mind.

She feels the coffee drop from her hands and feels the hot liquid splatter onto her shoes and her ankles, but the pain doesn’t register.

Because splayed out on the table which is usually occupied with proton packs and metal parts is a half-naked Tessa with Holtzmann on top of her, lips attached to her neck and hands trailing all over her body before they reach down to pinch the top of Tessa’s underwear which causes Tessa to moan and grip Holtzmann’s hair-

Erin needs to go, she needs to get out, but she’s rooted to the spot, coffee dripping down her legs and she can’t fucking move-

Holtzmann’s eyes move up at the sound of the coffee dropping, and she makes eye contact with Erin. She pauses for half a second before she suddenly grins, her eyes almost blazing with fire as she breaks eye contact and makes her way down Tessa’s neck to her collarbones, moving past her bra to her ribs, trailing kisses that leave marks on Tessa’s skin before looking up at Erin as if to say ‘look at what you’re missing out on?’

When Holtzmann reaches Tessa’s stomach, her back arches off the table and she moans once more, hips bucking forward, and Erin suddenly finds the blood rushing through her body and her foot finally manages to step back. Holtzmann looks up at her once more and grins widely at her before biting down on Tessa’s hipbone, causing her to cry out in pleasure and Erin isn’t sure why, but the room becomes blurry as tears fill her eyes and she finally manages to find her footing as she rushes down the stairs and out of the firehouse, wanting to put as much distance between herself and what’s happening right now at this very moment in her workplace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *puts on voice of that guy in the subway station who puts the ghostbusters logo on the wall* i'm so sorry.


	5. Chapter 5

Erin tries her best. She really does.

She goes back to work later on that day after spending the entirety of the morning crying on her couch at home, ignores the comments from Abby that she’s late, and tries her best to ignore Tessa sitting at the reception desk with a look of complete normalcy about her, like she hadn’t just had sex with Holtzmann upstairs. She really tries.

But when Holtzmann comes sauntering down the stairs at lunch time, her hair even messier than usual, wearing a grey tank top and her overalls down around her waist, and a sly grin on her face as she eats the blueberry muffin that Erin had fucking bought her for breakfast, Erin’s anger gets the better of her.

“Holtzmann, can I talk to you?” She growls through gritted teeth. Tessa, who walks over from the reception area, looks at them both in confusion as Holtzmann, with a knowing smirk, shoves her hands into the pockets of her overalls and nods.

“Uh, yeah-.”

“Upstairs. Now.” Erin stands up from her seat at the kitchen island and makes her way to the staircase. She hears Holtzmann chuckle behind her before she hears the sound of her footsteps following and as soon as they reach the top of the stairs, Erin turns on her, her anger and frustration flooding out of her before she can control it. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” She hisses. Holtzmann’s eyes widen in shock before she lets out a low whistle.

“Wow, excuse your French, Gilbert-.”

“Don’t tempt me to kick your ass right now, Holtzmann. ‘Cause I’m tempted enough as it is. Now what are you doing? Huh?” Holtzmann grins.

“I’m talking to you.”

“Don’t be a dick! What are you doing with Tessa?” Holtzmann’s grin turns into a smirk and she lifts her hands up before resting them behind her head with a shrug.

“Having fun? Why do you care?”

“Why don’t you? You can’t just...just fuck our receptionist, Holtzmann! Receptionists are off limits!” Erin cries out, and Holtzmann rolls her eyes.

“You used to flirt with Kevin before...” She trails off and Erin waves her hand nonchalantly.

“I never actually had sex with him, Holtzmann!” She growls. Holtzmann shrugs.

“Potato, tomato, or whatever the saying is.” She goes to leave and Erin grips her forearm tightly. 

“You can’t do that again, you hear me?” Erin says firmly. Holtzmann freezes, and her head turns slowly to look at Erin’s hand wrapped around her forearm. The expression on her face is blank, but when she looks up at Erin, there’s a fire in her eyes that loosens Erin’s grip almost immediately as if she’s just been burned by flames. 

“I’ll do whatever I want...with whoever I want, Erin.” She walks forward and Erin finds herself stepping back into the lab instinctively, her heart racing until she’s backed up into a table, the tools on top of it clanging from the impact and she winces as pain explodes up her back.

She’s stuck.

Holtzmann smirks and suddenly rushes forward, hands reaching out and resting on the table on either side of Erin, so now she really is stuck with nowhere to turn. Holtzmann leans forward and Erin’s breath catches in her throat as their eyes meet.

“Maybe the real reason you’re upset, Erin, is cause you wish it was you I was doing those things to.” Holtzmann breathes, and Erin feels her knees buckle as Holtzmann sidles a little closer to her, lips inches away from her own. 

“Holtzmann...” Erin says, her voice low, but Holtzmann lets out a throaty chuckle before she leans in even closer, their foreheads touching now and Erin can feel her heartbeat in her ears now, pounding madly-

“I could do it, you know. Just say the word.” Her breath is hot against Erin’s face, but the smell of her is so familiar and the overwhelming desire to grab Holtzmann and kiss her until her lips are bruised takes Erin over, but she simply bites her lip and grips the table to stop herself. Holtzmann’s forehead disconnects from her now and Erin’s breath catches as Holtzmann leans in, but moves to the side instead, her lips at Erin’s ear now.

“I could have you coming undone in less than a minute, and no one would know.” She whispers, and her hand suddenly wraps gently around Erin’s knee, playing with the hem of Erin’s skirt, and Erin gasps loudly, her eyes locking with Holtzmann’s as her hand glides up under Erin’s skirt, fingernails digging in and trailing up Erin’s thigh and Erin bites back a moan.

“Holtzmann, stop.” She breathes. Holtzmann’s hand stops for half a second before she chuckles in Erin’s ear.

“Why? You don’t think I haven’t noticed? You hate Tessa because you’re jealous. Because what you want, more than anything...” Holtzmann’s hand moves out from under her skirt now and instead comes around to the top of it, fingers pulling the skirt forward and her cold hands sliding down Erin’s stomach and Erin finds her eyes closing as Holtzmann comes dangerously close to where Erin wants her, needs her-

“Is for me to lay you flat on this table and fuck you senseless like I used to.” She hisses, as her hand snakes down her underwear and Erin moans, leaning in to her touch, wanting nothing more than to get lost in the feel of her-

“No, stop!” Erin’s eyes snap open and she jumps away from the table, ripping Holtzmann’s hand out from skirt and shoving her back as she shakes her head to clear from the thoughts currently attacking her.

“Y-you can’t do that.” Erin breathes.

“Why not?” Holtzmann says, smirking. 

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Holtzmann, but you need to stop this.” Holtzmann laughs and chills run up Erin’s spine because it’s not Holtzmann’s laugh, it’s something else entirely and she doesn’t like it.

This isn’t Holtzmann, it can’t be.

“I told you, I do what I want, with whoever I want.” Holtzmann’s walking toward her again and Erin finds she can’t move once more, her body not working as Holtzmann tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear, and her eyes are so gentle, and Erin can’t help but lean into her touch, a flood of memories hitting her of how they used to be...

“Erin, you can’t tell me you didn’t miss this...you can’t tell me you don’t want this, too.” She breathes. Erin’s eyes close as Holtzmann’s hand cups her jaw gently and she wants so badly to lean in, to capture Holtzmann’s lips in her own but something isn’t right, it’s not right-

“Holtzmann...fuck, I miss you. I miss you so much, I do, but this-this isn’t you.” Erin’s emotions betray herself as her voice cracks and she can feel the tears welling in her eyes as she reaches out, gripping Holtzmann’s shoulders and pushing her back gently. 

And suddenly, it’s like a switch is flipped.

Holtzmann’s eyes turn cold and she scoffs, a sudden anger in her eyes as she shakes her head in disbelief.

“Un-fucking-believable.” Erin’s eyes widen in shock.

“Holtz-.”

“I’m offering myself to you on a goddamn platter and you won’t take it? You’re pathetic.”

“Holtzmann-.”

“SHUT UP!” Holtzmann reaches out, her fingers curling around a pipe resting on the table before she throws it with full force at the wall. It smacks against the brick and Erin gasps in shock when it actually sinks into the wall and stays there, the brick cracking around it.

“What the-.” 

_That’s impossible._

Holtzmann growls under her breath and looks at Erin, who steps back, her heart racing for different reasons now.

“Holtz-.”

“You’re still talking?” Holtzmann shouts, and the fury in her eyes is not Holtzmann, it’s not her at all, and Erin wants out, Erin wants to leave this firehouse and never come back because this is terrifying, and this is not her friend, and not the girl she loves and cares about-

“H-Holtz-.”

“Why don’t I just shut you up then?” Holtzmann runs forward, fist raised and Erin collapses to her knees and covers her head with her arms protectively, a scream of incoherent words escaping her lips-

“Holtzmann, stop!” Erin can feel tears falling down her cheeks, waiting for the impact, but it doesn’t come. She’s frozen for a few seconds, her chest rising and falling in her panic and she opens her eyes to see Holtzmann’s boots below her, but when she looks up, Holtzmann is frozen, her fist in the air, but tears in her eyes as she looks at Erin with a mixture of fury and anguish.

“Holtzmann, please...” Erin whispers, fresh tears falling down her face, and Holtzmann’s bottom lip trembles before Erin sees the fury completely leave her eyes as it’s replaced with terror and despair.

“Erin...” She collapses to her knees in front of the physicist, and her hands reach out to grip Erin’s shirt tightly, her eyes wide with terror.

“S-Something’s wrong, something...something’s wrong with me.” She stutters out, her face contorted in pain and Erin stares at her in shock as she wraps her hands around Holtzmann’s elbows to steady her.

“Wh-what?”

“I...I can’t...” Holtzmann lets her go and suddenly grips her head, the bandana sliding down and revealing that cut that’s barely healed in the week since it first marred her skin.

“Holtz...” Erin reaches up, fingers touching the wound and Holtzmann winces, her shoulders tensing as she moans in pain and Erin’s hands move down to grip her wrists.

“Holtzmann, what’s wrong?” She begs. Holtzmann looks up at her and Erin’s heart breaks when she sees tears are falling down Holtzmann’s cheeks.

“I think...ghost...in my mind...” She sputters out amongst gasps of pain. Erin’s heart stops.

“What?” She manages to choke out.

“Erin, help...me, please...” She whispers. It suddenly hits Erin like a ton of bricks that the ‘practical joke’ wasn’t a joke at all. It was Holtzmann, begging for help. And Erin didn’t believe her.

“Oh my god...oh my god, Holtzmann...” 

She’s possessed. A ghost is possessing her and Erin didn’t even notice.

Holtzmann winces in pain and moans once again as she grips her head and collapses into a fetal position on the floor, her knees curling up to her stomach as she rests her head on them with a cry of pain.

“H-Holtz...”

“Erin, you...you have to get it out.” Holtzmann breathes, looking up at her.

“What?” Erin exclaims, her heart racing so fast she’s surprised she hasn’t had a heart attack yet. Holtzmann shakes her head, wincing again.

“I-I don’t know what this thing will do, it’s done enough, you have to get it out of me!” 

“Holtzmann-.”

“Erin, please!” Holtzmann moans and lets out a sob, her head falling onto her knees again, and Erin stands up and backs away, her heart breaking at the sight before her but she needs help, she needs to get Abby.

“Holtz, I’ll-I’ll get help-.”

Holtzmann suddenly stops shaking from her position on the ground and lifts her head up to look at Erin with a blank expression. Erin doesn’t know how it happens, but her hand instinctively goes to the table beside her and her fingers wrap around the other pipe on top of it as Holtzmann stands slowly and makes her way to Erin, each step becoming more menacing and Erin closes her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” She swings and the sickening crack that sounds out has tears falling down Erin’s face and a sob escaping her chest immediately as she hears Holtzmann drop to the ground. When she opens her eyes, she sees the wound on Holtzmann’s forehead has opened up once again from the hit, and blood is trickling down her face and neck, staining the bandana around her neck and Erin fears she’s killed her, killed her Holtzmann, the woman she loves-

“HOLTZMANN!”

Erin collapses to her knees beside Holtzmann, fear and anguish gripping her when she realizes her chest is rising and falling slowly.

“She’s alive.” She whispers, a sob escaping her as she leans down with shaking fingers, reaching for her pulse and Erin breathes a sigh of relief when she feels the pounding against her fingers. 

“What’s going on up there?” Abby’s voice sounds, and two seconds later, her, Tessa and Patty appear at top of the stairs, all of them looking flustered and concerned.

“What in the hell?” Patty exclaims, looking at an unconscious Holtzmann and a clearly distraught Erin in shock.

“I think...I think Holtzmann’s been possessed by a ghost. For how long, I don’t know, but she attempted to attack me and I knocked her out.”

“Wait, what?”

“I don’t have time to explain, we have to do something to get this ghost out of her!” Erin exclaims, wringing her hands as she looks down at Holtzmann sadly. 

“I don’t understand, how has she been possessed and we haven’t noticed?” Abby says, looking at Erin in shock. Erin’s eyes move over to Tessa, who looks incredibly confused and Erin suddenly feels disgusted that she ever got upset at this poor girl.

_God, she has no idea..._

“She’s been off ever since we went on that bust at that woman’s apartment in Times Square, Abby. I’ve noticed.”

“What? That was last week, Erin! Why didn’t you say anything?” Abby growls. Erin glares at her.

“Can we not argue right now? Can we just find a way to help Holtzmann?” She hisses. 

“I slapped the shit outta Abby when Rowan possessed her and that got him out.” Patty says, kneeling down beside Holtzmann’s unconscious body.

“Yeah, and I just knocked her out with a steel pipe and I’m pretty sure it’s still in there, so that’s a no go.” 

“Could you use your packs?” Tessa asks, her voice cracking slightly and Erin looks up at her to see she’s still looking at Holtzmann in confusion, but there’s a mixture of sorrow in there as well and Erin thinks she might be catching on now. 

“Hey, Tessa...” Erin stands and walks over to her, leading her to the corner so she’s out of earshot of Abby and Patty, who are both beside Holtzmann, staring at her in concern.

“I know what happened between you two, and I’m so sorry it happened while Holtzmann was...well...”

“Not herself.” Tessa finishes. Erin bites her lip.

“Are you okay?” She asks gently, resting a hand on Tessa’s shoulder, and she suddenly crosses her arms over her chest protectively, wincing.

“Yeah, yeah, I just...feel a little violated. I was consenting to Holtzmann, not...not...”

“I know. I’m so sorry.” Erin whispers. Tessa blinks back tears and shakes her head.

“Let’s just get that ghost out so we can get Holtzmann back.” Erin bites her lip, but rubs Tessa’s shoulder sympathetically before turning back to Abby and Patty. 

“We gotta find a way to lure the ghost out of Holtzmann’s body.” Abby says, looking up at Erin and Patty.

“What, how?” Patty says, eyes widening in shock.

“I don’t know, but we can’t use any of our weapons, we risk pretty much killing Holtzmann!” 

“I have an idea.” Erin says. Abby looks at her with a raised eyebrow and Erin sighs.

“You’re not gonna like it.” 

***************************************************

“Yo, Ghostie. Wake up!” Erin glares at Patty, who snaps her fingers in front of Holtzmann’s face.

“What?” She says, looking at Erin with a shrug. They’ve tied Holtzmann to a chair with duct tape as tightly as they can in the middle of the lab, clearing the tables around it, because Erin’s pretty sure they’re about to have a fight on their hands.

The girls all have their proton packs, and Abby has her gun aiming straight at Holtzmann, but her face is twisted with fear and regret.

“Erin, are you sure about this?” She asks cautiously.

“It’s the only way to get him out.” Erin can feel the bile rising in her throat, but she nods to herself.

She can do this.

“Is the wrapping around her shoulder secure?” Erin asks. Patty places a last bandage around Holtzmann’s chest and shoulder and nods.

“Yeah, we’re good. You better aim straight though, Erin.”

“Don’t worry, I will.”

“Hello? Time to wake up, man!” Patty snaps her fingers in front of Holtzmann’s face again and Erin rolls her eyes.

“That’s clearly not working, Patty.”

“Well-.”

“This will.” They all turn in shock to see Tessa appear at the top of the stairs with a bucket in her hand, and she rushes forward before hauling the bucket right at Holtzmann, and water splashes her, drenching her from head to toe, her grey tank top almost turning black from the water. She gasps loudly and looks around in shock, eyes wide as she sputters and coughs. She growls and attempts to move before she realizes she’s essentially tied down to a chair with no escape. She lets out a few breaths of exasperation before she looks up at them with dark eyes and shakes her head so hard, her hair suddenly falls out of its usual hairstyle and falls down her shoulders, sticking to Holtzmann’s bare arms. She laughs, a sinister laugh that is so unlike Holtzmann, it makes Erin wince.

“So you finally figured it out, huh? I’ve been in this girl’s body for a week now, and none of you have noticed a thing.” 

“We noticed.” Erin says. The ghost scoffs and raises an eyebrow at her. 

“You notice a lot about this little human meat I’m wearing, don’t you? There’s a history between you two...wow. Gotta say, there’s a lot of unresolved issues there, Dr. Gilbert.” Erin feels her cheeks turn bright red.

“Good, and I’ll resolve them, as soon as you’re out of her body. Now, you have two options. One: you leave Holtzmann’s body, and we let you go. You’re free to roam New York City, with a guarantee from us that we won’t hunt you. Two: you stay in Holtzmann’s body, we use these fancy weapons on you and you get put in a containment unit where you will spent the rest of your afterlife.” The ghost in Holtzmann’s body frowns before shaking its head.

“Hmm. Nah. Neither of those sound appealing. I’m not done with this one yet.” The ghost says, looking down at Holtzmann’s body.

“Really now?” It looks up at Erin with a grin, and Erin tries not to throw up at the sight of the wound on Holtzmann’s head mixing with the water and only further staining her face, dripping down onto her clothes.

“Mhmm. Besides, it’s such a pretty body, I’m pulling in way more women, and it’s going to waste with this freak-show occupying it-.”

Erin doesn’t know how it happens, but suddenly, her feet move forward and her fist is flying toward Holtzmann’s face. It makes contact with her jaw, and the sickening crunch that sounds out, followed by the pain that explodes in Erin’s hand has everyone in the room gasping as Abby grabs Erin and holds her back as the ghost laughs and spits out blood from Holtzmann’s mouth.

“Well isn’t that just a familiar feeling, Dr. Gilbert?” It catcalls, laughing, and Erin feels the fury boiling in her blood as Abby pushes her back.

“You’re not helping!” She hisses. Erin grits her teeth shakes her head, fists clenched in anger, ignoring the throbbing pain in her hand from the punch.

“Get it out of her. Now.” Abby sighs and turns back to look at the ghost, before her eyes suddenly widen and she turns to look at the ghost slowly, who raises an eyebrow and grins with bloodstained teeth.

“Familiar feeling? Wait a minute...”

“Has your brain caught up, Dr. Yates?” Erin looks at them both in confusion and Abby gasps before looking at Erin.

“It’s that guy! The one you hit, the one who called you ghost girl, oh my god...” Erin’s eyes widen and her heart drops as she looks at Holtzmann, who is suddenly looking at her with pure hatred. 

“You humiliated me. In front of a lot of people. I was a joke to everyone, I couldn’t even walk down the damn block without hearing people jeering at me for getting my ass handed to me by a girl!” The ghost hisses. 

“So what? You died and now you want revenge?” Erin growls. The ghost scoffs.

“No. I died so I could get revenge.” The ghost seethes, and Patty rolls her eyes.

“So we got another Rowan on our hands, huh? Man, what is with you dudes and being so goddamn threatened by women?” She shouts. The ghost looks at her with a nasty grin before laughing.

“I’m not threatened.”

“I don’t care what you are, just get out of our friend!” Abby yells. The ghost laughs again.

“You guys are really upset about me taking over your friend, huh? Well, I need her. As soon as I’m done doing what I need to do, you can have her back. Or maybe I’ll just run off with her body, who knows.” The ghost says, shrugging. 

“You’re having enough trouble as it is maintaining your hold on her, she’s reached out to me twice now. What makes you think you can keep her?” Erin growls. The ghost’s confident demeanor falters slightly and it shrugs.

“I’ll find a way to silence her for good. I’ve already got a plan.” 

“What plan?” The ghost grins.

“Well...you see, she’s a bit emotional, this one. Cares a lot about all of you. Got really weak at certain moments. Like when I forced her to mess up your proton pack and you almost died. Of course, the aim was to have you actually die...” The ghost says, nodding at Abby, whose eyes widen.

“Son of a bitch...” Patty whispers.

“Or when you, Erin, walked in on that little bit of fun we were having this morning.” The ghost nods over at Tessa, who loses all the color in her face. 

“What?” She whispers, but the ghost ignores her and grins at Erin instead. 

“Broke her damn heart to see you looking so upset, Erin.”

“So, what, that’s all I was? A way to break Holtzmann down?” Tessa says, and the ghost grins.

“You were just a toy. An enjoyable one, nonetheless.” Tessa’s the one rushing forward now, fury written all over her face, but Erin grabs her arm and holds her back.

“This is what it wants, don’t give it the satisfaction.” She hisses in Tessa’s ear, and Tessa looks up at her with eyes filled with tears. Erin nods once in encouragement and grips Tessa’s hand in her own, giving it a squeeze to know she’s there for her before looking at the ghost.

“Let Holtzmann go.” It grins.

“No.”

“Fine.” Erin drops Tessa’s hand and reaches behind her, pulling out the proton shotgun at her back and the ghost throws its head back, laughing.

“You really think I’m that dumb? You really think I believe you’re gonna use that on her?” It says. Erin takes aim and shrugs.

“Do you think Holtzmann’s stupid enough to not put safety on these weapons in case something like this happens? They have a setting that’s low, which means I can blast you right out of Holtzmann without harming an inch of her skin.” 

The smile falters and Erin knows she’s got it.

“Besides, if Holtzmann gets hurt, she’ll probably be glad for it. Anything to get rid of you. I’m doing my friend a favor. Either way, you’re getting out of her body. Now.” Erin says. The ghost bares its teeth and Erin smirks.

“Your choice.” 

“You won’t do it.”

“Oh yeah? Try me. I’d rather Holtzmann die than be stuck with you in her body forever. And so would she.” Its eyes flicker between the three ghostbusters in front of it.

“You’re bluffing.” Erin shrugs, but her heart is beating so fast, it’s pounding in her ears.

“Fine. Your loss.” She pulls down on the trigger, aiming at Holtzmann’s bandaged shoulder and the proton stream that fires hits Holtzmann just off the chest right where the bandage is and Holtzmann gasps loudly before screaming in pain, and Erin lets go of the trigger as the ghost suddenly takes the opportunity to fly out of Holtzmann’s body-

“NOW!” Abby pulls the trap out from her pack and throws it to the ground, stepping on the pedal to open it as she fires the proton pack at the ghost. It struggles against the bond, but Patty soon joins Abby and Erin adds a finishing touch by shooting it with the full blast of the shotgun and it staggers before falling into the trap, which shuts the second Abby takes her foot off the pedal. It’s silent for a few moments, and Erin watches breathlessly before throwing her pack off her back and rushing forward, bending down in front of Holtzmann, whose head has fallen onto her chest.

“Holtz?” Erin can barely breathe, fear gripping her when Holtzmann doesn’t respond.

“No, we...we didn’t kill her, we didn’t...” She hears Abby whisper, and Erin shakes her head.

“Holtzmann, come on.” She lifts Holtzmann’s chin up, and Erin sees smoke rising from the bandage where the proton shotgun blast hit her and the smell of burned skin hits her. Erin’s stomach turns.

“Jillian, please...” She feels tears well in her eyes before Holtzmann’s breathing picks up and her head slowly swings from side to side in Erin’s hand as she whimpers softly.

“Holtzmann?” Erin lets out a sob and starts taking the tape that’s keeping Holtzmann to the chair off her, and Holtzmann looks up at her weakly, blood and green slime dripping from her nose and ears and down her face from the wound on her forehead.

“Erin?” She whispers. Erin groans in relief as the tape comes off completely and Holtzmann pretty much collapses into her, slumping forward weakly. Erin wraps her arms around the young blonde, fingers tangling in her hair and her heart pounding with happiness.

“You’re okay. I’ve got you.”


	6. Chapter 6

“The burn isn’t too severe, looks like that bandaging around her body saved her from a lot of damage. I’ve stitched up the wound on her forehead, but other than that, I...well, I’m not really sure how you’re supposed to recover from ghost possession...” The doctor says, frowning, and Erin rubs her forehead tiredly.

“That’s okay, as long as she’s medically okay...” 

“Yes, she should be alright. Those stitches will fall out on their own. Also here.” The doctor hands Erin a burn cream and Erin takes it from him.

“Let her apply that to the burn once a day.”

“Of course. Thank you so much.” The doctor smiles warmly as Tessa walks up to him.

“I’ll show you out.” She mutters. Erin offers her a sympathetic smile and she simply nods once before leading the doctor down the stairs to the exit of the firehouse. Erin looks at Abby and Patty, who both shuffle awkwardly.

“Should we go see her?”

“Someone has to check up on her.” Patty says. Abby blows out a breath before nodding.

“Let’s go.” All three of them leave the top of the stairs and walk toward the small couch area off to the top right corner of the lab, where Holtzmann is lying on the couch, her forehead and her chest now bandaged properly, but green slime and blood still covering her face and body, her eyes up on the ceiling and her arms crossed over her stomach.

“Holtzy, baby?” Patty calls out. Holtzmann swallows loudly, but doesn’t acknowledge them, simply purses her lips and keeps her eyes on the ceiling.

“Holtz...” Abby grabs a chair and sits down at Holtzmann’s side, and Erin’s heart breaks at the sight of a tear falling from the corner of her eye.

“Holtz, don’t...it’s okay, baby.” Patty whispers gently. Holtzmann just shakes her head before her eyes finally turn to look at Abby.

“Tessa, I...is she-.”

“She’s fine, honey. A little shaken, but she’s just glad you’re okay.” Holtzmann shakes her head again, her bottom lip trembling.

“I...I did things, I-.”

“Holtzmann.” Erin says simply, and Abby and Patty look at her as Holtzmann’s eyes turn to look at Erin.

She chokes on a sob and covers her eyes with her hand, her body trembling now. Abby vacates the seat and Erin takes it as a sign to move forward and sit in it. She looks at Abby and Patty, who simply nod once and turn to leave.

“We’ll be just around the corner.” Abby says softly. Erin nods once before looking down at Holtzmann, who still has her eyes covered with her hands.

“Holtzmann, you weren’t in control. That...that thing was the one doing all of that, not you.” 

“You were there, and I...I tried to stop, but he-he wouldn’t let me, Erin-.”

“Shh...”

“Erin, I’m-.”

“Stop.” Erin reaches out and takes Holtzmann’s hand in hers, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles. 

“It wasn’t you.” She whispers, trying to assure herself as well as Holtzmann. Holtzmann bites down on her lower lip and Erin’s heart breaks at the devastation on her face.

“Holtz...how about-how about we get you in the shower and get you cleaned up, yeah?” Holtzmann simply nods once and Erin stands before offering her hands out. Holtzmann takes them with shaking hands and winces as she sits up slowly, and Erin hooks her arms under Holtzmann’s shoulders.

“Slowly, there you go.” Once Holtzmann is standing, Erin puts her unhurt shoulder around her neck and wraps an arm around Holtzmann’s waist.

“Guys, I’m gonna take her in for a shower.” She calls out to Abby and Patty. Abby’s head appears around the corner.

“Do you need help?”

“No, I’ve got it. I’ll call you if I need you, though.” Abby nods once and Erin walks Holtzmann over to the bathroom just under the stairs that lead to the roof. As soon as the door closes behind her, Holtzmann lets out another sob and Erin turns to see her simply standing there, hugging herself tightly.

“Holtzmann...” Erin bites down on her lip to stop herself from crying as Holtzmann looks up at her with tear filled eyes and a shaking bottom lip.

Erin doesn’t say anything. Simply walks forward and throws the toilet seat down and sits on top of it, holding her hand out. Holtzmann lets in a shaky breath before taking Erin’s hand and sitting in her lap, her head resting in the crook of Erin’s neck before her whole body begins shaking as she cries, and Erin wraps her arms around her protectively, brushing her blonde curls back from her face as her own tears fall down her face. 

“I’ve got you. I swear I’ve got you, and I’m not letting you go, okay?” She whispers. Holtzmann nods once, and Erin can feel Holtzmann’s lips on her collarbone, which sends shivers up her spine.

“One step at a time, okay? We get you cleaned up, that’s step number one, okay?” Holtzmann nods again, and Erin pulls her gently off her lap and leads her over to the shower. She still has a hold on Holtzmann’s hand, fingers intertwined as she turns the faucet and cold water sprays out of the showerhead. She balances it out with hot water so the water is warm, then turns to see Holtzmann still watching her, as if she’s lost on what to do next.

“Okay, so step number one is getting your clothes off, instead.” Erin says, and Holtzmann smiles weakly, her dimples poking out and god, the sight has Erin flying into a fucking supernova.

_I’m gonna make it my damn life’s mission to make this woman smile wider and brighter than that every day for the rest of her life._

Erin reaches down, fingers hooking around Holtzmann’s overalls and she tugs them down gently, ignoring the fact that her fingers are brushing against Holtzmann’s bare legs as she helps Holtzmann step out of them. 

“Careful, we’ll take this slow.” Erin says, standing up and hooking her hands under Holtzmann’s tank top. She slowly lifts it, and Holtzmann lets out a whimper of pain as she lifts her arms, the burn hurting her more than anything and Erin quickly pulls it over her head so she can lower her arms again.

“There you go.” Erin eyes roam over those familiar scars all over Holtzmann’s body from years of lab incidents and explosions, the burn on her thigh that Erin had nicknamed “Ernie” cause it was shaped a little like Ernie from Sesame Street...the scar on her ribs from when a particle accelerator had exploded and had sent her flying through a glass window...the small scars littered all over her back...

Erin swallows the lump in her throat and looks up at Holtzmann with a smile.

“Do you want me to turn around while you take those off?” Erin asks, pointing at her bra and underwear. Holtzmann shakes her head.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before.” She mutters, and Erin can’t help but blush as Holtzmann bends down and slowly takes off her underwear before reaching behind her and gasping in pain.

“I-.”

“I’ve got it.” Erin moves around to Holtzmann’s back and unhooks her bra, fingers gentle as she slides the straps down so Holtzmann can take it off with ease.

Holtzmann stands before her, naked in more ways than one and Erin doesn’t think she’s ever seen or ever will see anything more beautiful.

“Come on.” She hooks a hand under Holtzmann’s elbow and helps her step into the shower. Erin doesn’t even mind that she’s getting wet as she helps Holtzmann duck her head under the showerhead, and Holtzmann sighs in content as the water washes off the ecto-slime and blood from her face and hair.

“Can...can you help?” Holtzmann asks her softly. Erin smiles.

“Of course.” She reaches for the gel body soap and squeezes a dollop onto her hand before squeezing another into Holtzmann’s hand and looking up at her.

“Where do you need me?” She asks. Holtzmann looks at her and the look in her eyes has Erin averting her gaze and clearing her throat.

“I meant...”

“My back. Please.” Is all Holtzmann says. Erin nods once and Holtzmann turns as Erin gently washes her back for her, fingers moving over the scars on her back gently and Erin has a maddening urge to run her lips over those scars like she used to, to worship them and make Holtzmann feel good about herself and her body once again. The water washes away the soap almost as soon as it reaches Holtzmann’s skin, and Holtzmann turns the faucets off and they squeak as the water stops flooding from the showerhead. 

“Done?” Erin asks. She nods and Erin helps her step out of the shower. She grabs a towel from the rack beside the sink and wraps it around Holtzmann’s body from behind, and Holtzmann grabs the towel to hold it in place with one and reaches behind her with the other, grabbing Erin’s wrist before turning to look at her.

“Are you okay?” She whispers gently. Erin smiles.

“Of course. Are you?” Holtzmann gives her a shaky smile before it fades and she shakes her head.

“Not really.” She breathes out shakily. Erin blinks back tears and turns Holtzmann around slowly to face her. Holtzmann looks exhausted, her eyes barely open, but the haunted look in them is something Erin wishes more than anything would disappear. She tucks a lock of damp hair behind Holtzmann’s ear gently. 

“Step two. Sleep.” She says. Holtzmann nods once, and Erin takes her hand and leads her out of the bathroom. Patty and Abby are waiting outside it and they jump as the door opens. Erin gives them a knowing look before sighing.

“I think she just needs to rest, guys.” 

“Of course, whatever you need, Holtz.” Abby says, smiling at her. Holtzmann suddenly rushes forward, still only in a towel, and wraps her arms around Abby, who stumbled in shock before hugging her back tightly, her head burrowing into Holtzmann’s uninjured shoulder.

“I’m so glad we got you back.” Abby whispers. Holtzmann is crying openly on Abby’s shoulder now and Patty runs forward and embraces the both of them, pressing a gentle kiss to both their heads. 

“Now, go get some rest before I start crying, damn!” Patty says, wiping tears from her eyes and Abby chuckles before letting Holtzmann go. Erin takes her hand again and leads her over to the bunk beds in another corner of the lab. 

“Do you want clothes?” Holtzmann simply nods, and Erin reaches for the drawer beside the beds, pulling out the bottom one that she knows has Holtzmann’s clothes in it. She pulls out her tank top that says “One of the boys” on it, along with fresh underwear. Holtzmann drops her towel and Erin helps her loop her legs in and pulls the underwear up to her knees before stopping and Holtzmann takes over. She pulls the tank top over Holtzmann’s head and Holtzmann winces again when her arms go up.

“Should I get you some pain meds?” Erin asks. She shakes her head and Erin sighs before nodding. Holtzmann gently sits down on the bottom bunk before lying down on it, and Erin leans down, brushing her damp hair back from her face with a smile.

“Try and sleep, okay?” She whispers. Holtzmann bites her lip and Erin turns to leave, but Holtzmann wraps a hand around her wrist. 

“Erin...” Erin turns to look at her, and Holtzmann smiles softly.

“Never mind.”

“No, what is it?” Erin asks, leaning down once more. Holtzmann reaches out, her fingers brushing against Erin’s jaw.

“Can you stay with me? Please?” She whispers. Erin’s heart drops before picking up and she grips Holtzmann’s hand, pressing a soft kiss to her palm.

“Of course.” Holtzmann shifts herself so Erin can sleep beside her, and she hooks an arm around Holtzmann’s waist, and Holtzmann buries her back into Erin’s chest, sighing before interlacing their fingers.

It isn’t long, approximately three and a half minutes before Holtzmann breaks down crying. But Erin’s right there with her, brushing her hair back and whispering gently to her, trying her best to comfort the woman she loves as her own tears fall down her face. 

***********************************************

“Erin?”

Erin is jolted back to consciousness by the feel of a hand on her shoulder and she turns to see Abby watching her, a small smile on her face as her eyes move to Holtzmann, and Erin turns to see she’s fast asleep, her face furrowed and her body twitching slightly.

“How’s she doing?” Abby asks gently.

“It took her awhile to fall asleep. What time is it?” Erin asks.

“Just after 8. I’m heading home, Patty and Tessa have already left. I thought I should let you know.”

“Thanks. Abby, how...how’s Tessa?” Abby’s face falls and she sighs.

“She told us what happened...she’s okay. Dealing with it as best she can, but...god, I can’t believe that slime bag did that to her.” 

“Is...is she gonna be okay, you know, with Holtzmann?”

“Yeah, she told us she didn’t blame Holtzmann in any way shape or form, but...I think it’s still gonna be a bit tough for her. We’ve just gotta be there for her, you know? Just like we’ll be there for her.” She nods at Holtzmann, who suddenly twitches violently and whimpers softly. Erin watches her with a frown and Abby sighs.

“You think she’s having nightmares?” Abby asks.

“I’d be surprised if she isn’t. I’ll keep an eye on her, don’t worry.” Abby smiles softly before leaning in and pressing a kiss to Erin’s forehead.

“Love you.”

“Love you, too. Go get some sleep, it’s been a long day.” Abby nods once and picks up her bag before walking away. Erin sighs and leans back against the pillow, rubbing her eyes tiredly as Holtzmann twitches once again.

“Don’t...” She whispers, and Erin sits up and looks down at her in caution.

“Holtz?” Holtzmann shudders again and Erin suddenly realizes that she’s crying.

“Holtzmann, it’s okay.” She touches Holtzmann’s wrist and gives her a gentle pinch, and Holtzmann jerks before her eyes snap open and she looks around with wide eyes filled with fear.

“Holtz, it’s okay! It’s me, it’s Erin!” Holtzmann’s wide eyes meet Erin’s and she lets out a shaky breath before collapsing back down on the bed, her hand coming up to rest on her forehead.

“I’m-I’m sorry-.”

“Hey, it’s fine. Are you okay?” Holtzmann sighs and purses her lips. 

“I can’t...” She trails off and Erin shakes her head.

“Shh, it’s okay.” Holtzmann’s bottom lip trembles and she lets out a deep breath, closing her eyes.

“I’m so tired. He...he only let me sleep for an hour every night. Kept me weak enough for him to keep control.” She says, her voice wavering slightly. Erin has the maddening urge to run down to the containment unit and spend the rest of her life zapping that asshole back into the trap to cause him pain, but she bites her tongue and instead brushes her fingers across Holtzmann’s forearm, stroking her gently. 

“Holtzmann, we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.” Erin says gently. Holtzmann looks at her and bites her lip.

“Erin, those things he said-.”

“Were his words. Not yours.” Erin says firmly. Holtzmann nods once.

“I know, but he used my mouth to say them.” 

“I know. He knew that would hurt me. He’s a smart little bastard.” Erin says, scoffing. Holtzmann swallows loudly and Erin sees tears in her eyes as she looks at her.

“Tessa...is she okay?”

“Holtzmann, she understands. She knows it wasn’t you.” 

“I don’t...I don’t want us to lose her, she’s been nothing but nice-.”

“We haven’t lost her. She’s part of this family. Family sticks together, alright?” Holtzmann nods once before closing her eyes and sighing.

“You...” She trails off.

“Me?” Erin asks. Holtzmann opens her eyes.

“He did things to you, too.” Erin’s breath catches in her throat.

“I knew it wasn’t you. That’s why I pulled away.” Holtzmann shakes her head.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Holtz, stop. I don’t want to hear another apology from you. This was not your fault.” Holtzmann wipes away a tear from the corner of her eye and nods.

“Okay.”

“Good. It wasn’t you.” Erin says again. Holtzmann nods once before she bites her lip and looks at Erin.

“What if it was me?” Erin raises an eyebrow.

“I mean, if I didn’t have a ghost possessing me...if I did those things to you and it was all me...”

“You wouldn’t have been as harsh as him. You would’ve been gentle, just like I remember you.” Erin whispers. 

“I was rough...” Holtzmann says, pouting slightly, and Erin chuckles.

“Only when I wanted you to be.” Erin can’t believe they’re both sitting here, casually discussing their past relationship like it’s not currently killing her that they’re no longer together.

“Erin...” She looks up at Holtzmann, and the expression on her face is unreadable.

“If a ghost wasn’t possessing me...would you have pulled away?” She asks, her voice small and crackling with exhaustion. Erin bites her lip and simply responds with a shake of her head. 

“Why not?” Holtzmann whispers. Erin feels tears build in her eyes and the words escape her before she can stop herself.

“Because I love you.” She whispers back.

That’s all it takes for Holtzmann to lean up and capture Erin’s lips in her own.

The kiss is gentle, and wet, but from the tears they’re both crying as Erin pushes Holtzmann gently down onto the pillows and swings a leg over her body, gripping her hand and intertwining their fingers as she deepens the kiss, her other hand lifting to cup Holtzmann’s jaw as she successfully props herself up onto her knees until she’s practically straddling Holtzmann’s waist. She breaks the kiss, only to catch her breath, their foreheads still touching and Erin looks down at Holtzmann, whose eyes are suddenly blazing with a fire Erin’s never seen before as Holtzmann leans back down onto the pillow and lifts a hand, brushing Erin’s hair back behind her ear.

“Holtz...are you sure? After what you’ve been through today...” She whispers. Holtzmann’s hand wraps behind her neck and she pulls her down so their foreheads are touching again, and she leans up, pushing her forehead against Erin’s gently.

“I need you.” She whispers. Erin knows she shouldn’t, because this could end up just being a one-time thing but god, she needs it, and Holtzmann needs it, needs her-

“Erin...” Holtzmann breathes, and Erin lets out a shaky breath.

“I don’t want you to regret this in the morning.” 

“I don’t think I could ever regret you.” Holtzmann says slowly. 

“Why not?”

“Because I love you, too.” 

If Holtzmann is bothered by the tears that splash onto her face, she doesn’t say anything, only leans up and kisses Erin, who moans and pushes Holtzmann back down onto the pillows, desperate to show the girl underneath her just how much she loves her and needs her, and craves her...

Holtzmann’s hands find their way under Erin’s shirt and she discards it easily, lifting it up over Erin’s head and throwing it to the side as Erin tries her best to avoid hitting her head on the top bunk by leaning down and kissing her way from Holtzmann’s lips, down her neck, and when Holtzmann’s fingernails dig and scratch down her back, Erin winces in pain, but doesn’t complain.

Because Holtzmann needs her right now.

And when Holtzmann moans, her name escaping her lips in a breathy whisper, Erin is more than willing to do whatever Holtzmann needs her to do.

*************************************************

Erin hums in content as Holtzmann draws different shapes and patterns onto her bare back, and Erin turns her head to the right to see Holtzmann simply watching her, and she smiles lazily at Erin before her fingers suddenly reach the bandage on Erin’s right shoulder.

“Does it still hurt?” Holtzmann asks, her voice husky from lack of use. Erin simply blinks once.

“Not really. I want these stitches out already though. They’re itchy.” 

“Few more days.” Holtzmann says softly. She simply nods, and Holtzmann leans down and presses a kiss to her bare back, and Erin’s eyes close at her touch. 

“Holtz?” She asks. 

“Mmm?” Holtzmann’s mouth continues pressing soft kisses to Erin’s back and she hums before pushing through the distraction.

“Is this us getting back together?” She asks quietly. Holtzmann’s lips freeze at her spine and she sighs before flopping down beside Erin gently. Her expression is unreadable, but her fingers stroke up and down Erin’s arm and she moves her eyes up from her actions to Erin’s eyes as she bites her lip.

“I don’t know.” She whispers, her face screwed up in pain and Erin shakes her head.

It hurts, but she deserves it.

"Okay, I understand."

"No, Erin-."

"Holtzmann, after everything you've been through today...I don't need an answer. I just want to make you feel better...make you happy. That's all I care about. And I'll do it in whatever capacity you want me to." Holtzmann sighs, closing her eyes.

"I don't want you to have to wait." She whispers. and Erin bites her lip to stop the sob that’s threatening to escape her chest.

“I’ll wait for as long as you need me to.” Erin smiles through the tears and Holtzmann reaches up, brushing her tears away with her thumb.

“Don’t cry.” She whispers. 

“Why not?”

“You’ll make me cry. And I don’t wanna cry anymore.” But tears are already welling up in Holtzmann’s eyes, and Erin leans in closer to her, her arm wrapping around Holtzmann’s bare waist as she presses her forehead against Holtzmann’s.

“I’m here.” She says simply. Holtzmann lets out a shaky breath and closes her eyes.

“I can’t stop hurting.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Physically, mentally...I’m so drained, Erin. But I can’t sleep. I feel like if I’m vulnerable even for a second, it’s gonna happen again and I can’t stop thinking about him being in my mind and making me do those things to Tessa and then to you-.” She’s speaking fast, almost as fast as that time she’d given her speech on physics and love in that bar a few days after the big battle in Times Square and Erin shifts herself closer to Holtzmann until her lips are mere inches away from hers as she strokes Holtzmann’s ribs gently with her fingers and Holtzmann stops talking, taking in a shuddering breath.

“There you go, breathe.” Erin whispers, before leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to Holtzmann’s lips.

“I’m right here, Holtz. I’m not going anywhere and as long as I am around, no ghost is gonna dare try and possess you again. You understand?” Holtzmann’s eyes open and she looks at Erin with a sorrowful expression.

“You left once before.” She croaks. Erin’s heart drops and she shakes her head.

“And it was the worst decision I’ve ever made in my entire life. I’m not leaving, Holtzmann. I swear to god as long as there’s air in my lungs, I am not leaving this place again. I’m not leaving you again. Not as long as you still want me.” They’re silent for a few moments and Holtzmann closes her eyes.

“We should talk about this. Fix what’s wrong with us...I hate things being weird between us.” She mutters tiredly, and Erin smiles before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“I’ll be here in the morning. Sleep now.” Holtzmann simply nods and leans in, resting her head against Erin’s collarbone and she wraps her arms around the young blonde, stroking her hair back until she finally falls asleep herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters might take a little while to come through after this one, just cause I'm super busy after this weekend, hope you guys can forgive me!


	7. Chapter 7

The sound of the firehouse door slamming is what wakes Erin, and it quickly dawns on her that she’s naked, as is the young blonde engineer beside her, who is fast asleep, her face peaceful as she snores gently and Erin brushes her hair back before leaning in and pressing a kiss to her forehead with a smile. 

She grabs her clothes off the floor and quickly shoves them on, deciding that she’ll definitely take a shower once she finds out who’s downstairs. She makes her way down the stairs and comes face to face with Abby, who jumps in shock when she sees her.

“Hey!” 

“Hey. What time is it?”

“Uh, just after 9. How’s Holtzmann?”

“She’s good.” Erin says simply, and Abby raises an eyebrow. 

“Erin.” Is all she says, and Erin bites her lip.

“I...helped her feel better.” Abby shakes her head with a scoff.

“You two are like a freaking day time soap opera.” She mutters, Erin rolls her eyes.

“We’re not that bad.” Abby simply chuckles and Erin grins before rushing back up the stairs. She makes her way back to Holtzmann and gently strokes her bare back, bringing her lips to Holtzmann’s ear.

“Jillian.” She whispers gently, and Holtzmann stirs before burying her face in the pillow with a groan.

“Five more minutes.” She says, her voice muffled by the pillows. Erin chuckles.

“Fine, five more minutes. I’m just gonna be in the shower, okay?” Holtzmann simply nods, hugging the pillow closer to her head and Erin grins before walking toward the shower. 

Fifteen minutes later, Erin steps out of the shower and out into the lab in nothing but a towel, using another towel to dry her hair as she walks back to Holtzmann to find her just getting out of bed, groaning as she uses the blankets to cover her naked body.

“Hey, how you feeling?” Erin asks, sitting down beside her. Holtzmann shakes her head before she suddenly touches her jaw with a wince.

“Ow.” Erin grips her chin lightly and turns her face to see a large bruise forming around Holtzmann’s jaw.

“Oh, crap, I think...that might’ve been from when I maybe sort of hit you, but I was hitting the ghost not you!” Erin says hurriedly, and Holtzmann sighs before standing and grabbing her clothes from the floor.

“It’s fine.” Is all she says, before she throws the blanket back down onto the bed and quickly shoves her clothes back on in what Erin feels is less than twenty seconds.

“Uh, are you in a hurry?” Erin asks. Holtzmann purses her lips.

“I need to get back to work, I need-.”

“Holtzmann, slow down.”

“I can’t, Erin.” 

“What, why not?”

“Because I need something to distract me.” Holtzmann quickly grabs a hair tie from the dresser and puts her hair up haphazardly, and Erin frowns. Holtzmann not doing her usual hairstyle? 

“Holtz, maybe we should talk-.”

“I don’t wanna talk!” Holtzmann slams her hands down onto the dresser and Erin jumps in shock. Holtzmann’s nails are digging into the wood as she lets out a deep breath.

“Just...leave me alone for a bit. Please.” 

Erin simply sits there, watching Holtzmann’s back, the muscles tense underneath her tank top and Erin bites her lip to stop herself from crying as she gets up without a word and leaves the lab, grabbing her clothes off the floor before she does.

*****************************************************************************

“She’s been up there all day-.”

“I’m telling you, Abby, we just gotta give her some space-.”

“But no one’s gone to see her-.”

“Abby.” Erin grits her teeth and almost snaps the pen in her hand in half. She can feel Abby’s eyes on her, but she refuses to look up at her best friend, instead keeping her eyes down on the paper in front of her. They’re all sitting in the living room, with Patty watching a documentary on the history of New York and Abby working on PKE meter. Erin’s been attempting to actually get work done, but all she can think about is Holtzmann alone upstairs, and the way she had snapped at her-

“Erin, someone’s gotta-.”

“Just leave her alone.” 

“Erin-.”

“Hey, guys?” They all jump and turn as Tessa walks in with her bag on her shoulder.

“I’m heading out a bit early, if that’s okay.” Erin bites her lip and Abby sighs.

“Yeah, of course, Tessa.” Tessa simply nods and turns to walk away, but there’s suddenly the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs and they all look up to see Holtzmann stop just before the bottom of the stairs, and Erin can tell immediately that she’s been crying.

Her eyes are red and her cheeks are splotchy, the bruise on her jaw more prominent than ever.

“Tessa? Before you go, can I have a word?” She says softly, her voice cracking slightly and Erin sees Tessa grip the strap of her bag tightly before nodding and walking toward Holtzmann without a word. Holtzmann heads back up the stairs, not even looking at her fellow ghostbusters and Erin sees Tessa hesitate before she follows.

“Man, I hate this.” Patty says, sighing. Erin bites down on her tongue and looks back down at the book in her hands but she knows it’s hopeless. She slams it shut and rests her head down on it, trying her best to breathe. 

She hears the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs about twenty minutes later and her head snaps up so fast, her neck flares with pain and she hisses before clutching it, immediately massaging the torn muscle.

Tessa reaches the bottom of the stairs, and Erin sees her eyes are almost as red as Holtzmann’s, but she walks up to them with a smile, her first genuine one since the incident.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow?” She says gently, and Abby simply nods.

“Y-Yeah, course.” She nods, smiling once more before walking toward the entrance of the firehouse and Erin exchanges glances with Abby before they hear more footsteps coming down the stairs and Holtzmann once again stops just before the bottom.

“Patty? A word?” She says, and Patty raises an eyebrow, exchanging a glance with Erin and Abby before getting up off the couch.

“Course, baby.” She makes her way to the stairs and Erin watches them go.

“What, is she having a word with each of us?” 

“I’d say so.” Abby says slowly, and Erin’s heart skips a beat.

What if Holtzmann tells her she doesn’t want anything to do with her?

Or what if it’s the complete opposite, and Holtzmann tells her she wants to be with her again?

What if she tells Erin she’s leaving the Ghostbusters?

What if-

“Erin.” Abby grips her hand and Erin swallows the lump in her throat before looking at her best friend.

“Breathe.” Abby says simply, and Erin lets out a deep breath and nods.

Patty makes her way back down the stairs about ten minutes after she was called up, and she’s refusing to look at either Abby or Erin as she sits back down on the couch and looks at the TV, but Erin can see there’s tears in her eyes. 

“Abby?” Abby looks at Erin before standing and making her way to the stairs and Erin immediately jumps up from her seat and moves closer to Patty.

“What did she say?” She whispers. Patty closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in before shaking her head.

“That’s between me and her, baby. But...she ain’t good.” Patty says, and Erin watches in shock as a tear falls down Patty’s eye.

“Patty, what do you mean?”

“I mean, this whole thing got her twisted, Erin. And I tried, I tried to tell her that we’re here for her, but...man, I ain’t getting through to her.”

“But why is she having a word with us separately?” Patty purses her lips and finally turns to look at Erin.

“I don’t know, baby, but she got some things she’s gotta say, and I think she’s saving the most painful one for last.” 

Erin can truly feel her heart pounding now, and she sinks back against the couch, dreading the moment Abby comes down those stairs and she’ll be the one climbing up them next.

It doesn’t happen until almost an hour later.

Erin yawns tiredly and looks up at the clock to see it’s almost ten at night. Patty hasn’t moved, her eyes still on TV, and Erin has no idea what Holtzmann said to her but whatever it was has shaken her, because she’s never seen Patty so still before, especially when she’s watching documentaries. She’s usually the one yelling at the TV if something’s incorrect, but now she just watches, her expression blank. It’s almost like she’s been possessed-

Erin freezes.

“Patty, you aren’t...” Patty turns to look at her and raises an eyebrow.

“What?”

“You look...you look a little like Holtzmann when she was possessed.” Erin says, her voice small, and Patty’s eyes go wide before she chuckles sadly.

“Baby, I’m not possessed, I promise. I guess I’m still just thinking about what she said-.” Her sentence is cut short by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs and Erin’s head snaps up to see Abby making her way down, her face screwed up in pain and tears falling down her face.

“Abby?” Erin jumps up and walks toward her and Abby smiles sadly, shaking her head.

“I’m okay, I’m okay. She wants to see you now.” She manages to choke out, and Erin looks up at the stairs hesitantly. Abby grips her hand.

“I don’t know what she’s gonna say to you, Erin. But you’ve gotta let her say it. Please.” Abby whispers, fresh tears falling down her face, and Erin bites her lip before nodding.

“Okay.” She whispers back. Abby rubs her shoulder before walking over to Patty and sitting beside her, resting her head on Patty’s shoulder. 

Erin can feel her shoulders tensing with each step she takes up the stairs and when she finally reaches the top, her muscles are practically cramping from the pressure.

“Holtzmann?”

“Over here.” Erin turns to see her sitting at one of her tables, which is completely bare of anything, her hands laying on top of them, fingers intertwined as she turns to look at Erin with a small smile that has her dimples poking out and Erin’s heart squeezes at the sight.

She makes her way over to her and Holtzmann pulls the chair beside her out, patting down on the seat. Erin sits down cautiously and Holtzmann scoots herself closer to Erin, turning to face her and scooting even closer until their knees are touching.

“What’s going on, Holtz?” Erin whispers, and Holtzmann’s eyes close at the sound of her voice.

“I...I wanted to apologize, for how I behaved this morning-.”

“It’s okay.” Erin says, shaking her head and waving her hand nonchalantly. Holtzmann sighs.

“I’m not.” She says simply. Erin feels her heart clench and she swallows the lump in her throat.

“Holtz, if you need to talk-.”

“The only thing I need is for you to listen, Erin.” She whispers. Erin purses her lips and nods once, and she can’t help digging her nails into her thighs, her anxiety getting the better of her.

What is she about to say?

Holtzmann looks down at her hands and reaches out, gripping them in her own gently.

“Erin, from the first day I laid eyes on you, I knew that there was something about you that had me. I don’t know how to explain it, maybe it was the tiny bow tie, or the stiff posture, or the way you rudely asked me who I was in my own lab, but I was drawn to you. I don’t think you understand how happy you made me that day you told me you wanted that lie I told Dr. Gorin to become a reality. The first time I kissed you, I felt like the universe was recreating itself, because everything became brighter...so, so much brighter...” Erin’s vision blurs and she looks down at her lap, because she knows nothing good is about to be said. Her instincts are never wrong.

“You were a fucking star exploding and I was blown away by your radiance. And I can’t begin to tell you how much you’ve changed me.” Holtzmann’s voice cracks and Erin looks up at her to see her bottom lip trembling as tears begin falling down her cheeks. 

“But then you left. I heard those words come out of Professor Filmore’s mouth and then you left. And all of a sudden, I couldn’t stop thinking that maybe it was for the best. That you leaving was good because...because I was never gonna be enough for you-.”

“No, Holtzmann-.” Holtzmann raises a finger to Erin’s lips to silence her and Erin purses her lips again, a sob wracking her chest.

“I was never gonna be good enough for you, because I was never good enough for anybody. But it was good...it felt good, to feel that way, even if it was for a while.”

“Holtz, please-.”

“Erin, I’m not...I’m not good enough for you. And after what I did to you, you deserve...so much better than me. Than this-.”

“Holtzmann, it wasn’t you! Please, don’t do this.” 

“Erin, I wasn’t strong enough to stop him from doing what he did to Tessa, and I wasn’t strong enough to stop him from doing what he did to you. I’m weak, and I’m pathetic, and you deserve more-.”

“I DON’T WANT MORE!” Erin stands now, the chair falling behind her with a loud clang that causes Holtzmann to jump and Erin’s knees are shaking and she can’t hear through the pounding in her ears but she doesn’t care.

“You think I deserve better? You think you’re the one who screwed up? A ghost was possessing you, he made you do those things! I? I left, Holtzmann! I left, on my own accord, and you’re the asshole? I fucked up, I did, not you, and I am trying, god I am trying so hard to fix this because I can’t live without you, can’t you see that? I can’t even begin to put into words what those three months were like, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I could barely breathe, because all I could think about was you! You, you, you, always you! But I didn’t come back because I knew I didn’t deserve to be here, I didn’t deserve to be happy after what I did to you, so you can’t sit there and tell me that you think I deserve better because I’m the one who screwed up, not you! I did this, I ruined everything between us because I’m a fucking mess-.”

“Erin-.”

“So please, please, don’t do this, don’t tell me we can’t work, because you deserve better than me but I don’t want you to have better than me because I’m fucking selfish and I love you-.”

“Erin, stop-.”

“Because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do if I’m not with you-.”

“ERIN!” 

She stops.

Her breathing is erratic, and she can barely see through the tears, her whole body shaking with emotion but she stops.

It’s quiet for a long time. Erin wipes away her tears and simply watches as Holtzmann sits with her head in her hands, her whole body shaking until finally, she sniffs and looks up at Erin.

“We’re a fucking time bomb, Gilbert. Every time I think we’re gonna be okay, we explode. And I can’t...I don’t know how to get past this. I don’t know how I’m supposed to be, how to act, how to even breathe, without feeling like I’ve been violated. Like I’ve been chewed up and spat out and used and abused, and I hurt people. I almost killed Abby-.”

“It wasn’t-.”

“I don’t care if it wasn’t me, Erin! He used me to do it!” Holtzmann growls, and Erin whimpers pathetically. Holtzmann’s face softens and she shakes her head.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.” She whispers, and she collapses into her seat, almost like the strings holding her up have been cut down and she looks at Erin in defeat.

“I’m lost, Erin.” Her voice breaks, and she begins sobbing, and Erin throws caution to the wind and runs forward, wrapping the young blonde in her arms and Holtzmann grips the back of her shirt in desperation, clinging on as if for dear life and Erin can’t help but sob right along with her, both of them shaking violently in their despair.

“I d-don’t care about you l-leaving anymore, I-I just need you to b-be with s-someone who knows w-what they’re doing and w-who they are and I’ve been r-robbed of that-.” 

“Holtzmann, what the fuck makes you think I know any of that myself?” She whispers, and Erin pulls back and presses her forehead against Holtzmann’s, who hiccoughs.

“I’ve been lost for three months. And the only time I ever feel whole is when I’m with you, but you can’t see that. And I’m not saying that what you’ve been through is nothing, Holtzmann...I’m saying let me help you. Because I’m scared, too. Because I’m still lost, too, and I wanna find my way back home just as much as you do. So let’s do it together. Because I don’t want to be alone anymore.” Holtzmann sighs and shakes her head.

“What if it all goes to shit again?” She whispers.

“I won’t run away again, Holtzmann. We’ll work through it together, like we should have done the first time. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for leaving-.”

“Erin.” Holtzmann breathes. 

“I’m so sorry-.” She can’t stop, she needs her to know, and she needs to tell her-

“Erin.”

“What, Jillian?”

“Shut up.” Holtzmann’s arms wrap around Erin’s waist and pull her in as she kisses her, and Erin moans before deepening the kiss, throwing her arms around Holtzmann’s neck and kissing her despite the tears falling down her face.

Erin doesn’t know what last night was, sympathetic sex that didn’t feel anything like the spark they used to have, just something to help Holtzmann get past what had happened to her, but this, this is different.

This was fire. This was passion unlike anything Erin’s even felt before as Holtzmann pushes her up against the table, and Erin barely even feels the pain that explodes up her back when it happens, instead reveling in the feeling of Holtzmann hooking her hands under Erin’s thighs and lifting her up so she’s sitting on the table instead.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you.” Holtzmann breathes, pulling away from her lips for half a second before she moves down to Erin’s neck, and Erin’s legs wrap around Holtzmann’s waist as she grips the straps of Holtzmann’s tank top and pulls her down on top of her as she lies down on the table.

“How...do you think I’ve f-felt?” Erin gasps out, as Holtzmann bites down on her jugular before sucking on it and Erin fingers move down underneath Holtzmann’s shirt, nails digging into her skin as she moans. Holtzmann’s lips suddenly freeze against her neck and she pulls back. Erin looks at her to see her eyes are wide and she shakes her head.

“Not...not on the table.” She jumps off, and Erin looks at her in shock before it hits her.

“Shit.” She jumps off the table as well, and Holtzmann runs a hand through her hair, her face screwed up in anguish and Erin grips her face in her hands softly.

“Hey, look at me.” Holtzmann looks up at her with tears in her eyes and Erin leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“We’ll get through this together. Breathe.” Holtzmann breathes in through her nose before nodding once and letting it out through her mouth, closing her eyes and Erin nods.

“Good.” Holtzmann opens her eyes and Erin can still see that fire burning in them, and she bites her lip.

“Last night was-.”

“I know, it...it wasn’t-.”

“It sucked, basically.” Holtzmann finishes, and Erin chuckles.

“Not the best sex we’ve ever had.” Erin agrees, and Holtzmann suddenly grins.

“Well, Dr. Gilbert, if you don’t mind me doing so, I’d like to be given the chance to correct that mistake, for experimental purposes only.” 

Erin feels tears prick her eyes because god, that voice...

It’s that playful, teasing voice she used to use, way back before any of this, before the possession, before the three months of torture they both suffered through...

“God, I’ve missed you.” Erin says softly, and Holtzmann smiles before biting her lip.

“Erin, I want this, I do, but at that same time, I don’t...I don’t wanna rush this.” Erin shakes her head.

“We won’t. We’ll go as slow as you want, I promise.” Holtzmann looks up at her hopefully.

“Slower than a sloth’s metabolism?” 

“I-what?”

“They only climb down from the trees to pee and poop once a week, you know. That’s how slow it is.” Erin chuckles before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Holtzmann’s lips.

“Consider us two sloths climbing down a tree, then.”


	8. Chapter 8

To say that her talk with Erin had not gone as she had anticipated is an understatement.

Holtzmann was expecting there to be a lot of anger and a lot of yelling, ending with a fallout and an eventual storming off from Erin that would leave Holtzmann devastated, but at least prepared for it to happen.

Instead they’re now watching documentaries with Patty and Abby, curled up on the couch and in each other’s arms.

Holtzmann had been thinking the whole day about talking to each of her co-workers, to get them to understand how sorry she was for what had happened. Tessa had been a very nice and simple apology, which Tessa had accepted before asking Holtzmann if she wanted to go out for a cup of coffee on a date. Holtzmann had been so shocked that Tessa had even wanted to ask her on a date that she didn’t reply for a good ten seconds before Tessa had laughed and simply hugged her.

“I think you and I should maybe just stay co-workers. Besides, there’s way too much going on between you and Erin for me to go messing with that relationship.”

So she and Tessa were on good grounds. Then Holtzmann had called Patty up, and she’d barely gotten a word out before Patty had enveloped her in a bone crushing hug. Every time Holtzmann tried to apologize, to explain where her mind was right now, Patty would shake her head and grip her shoulder tightly.

“We’re the Ghostbusters. We can get through anything, I believe in that. You’re gonna be okay, Holtzy.” 

She had listened though. When Holtzmann eventually got her to stop and sit down, Holtzmann explained to her how she felt.

Like she was empty.

Like she didn’t belong anywhere anymore. Her mind was blank, her emotions were all over the place. She felt crazy.

Patty listened intently, and before Holtzmann could do anything, Patty had hugged her again, her lips at Holtzmann’s ear.

“You and I both know you got a girl downstairs who can make all of this pain go away, Holtzy.” 

Holtzmann had called up Abby next. Abby had been the one she’d been dreading almost as much as Erin. Simply getting those words out, on how she felt violated, how she felt like every part of her was different from what she used to be now, was hard enough, but watching Abby begin crying the second she said them...

Abby had been her rock for the last five years, both of them ignoring the comments on how they were crazy, or ridiculous. Abby had been the one to always push her to do what she wanted and not to care what anyone thought.

Abby was her best friend, through and through. And Abby had told her on more than one occasion that she felt the same way.

So it makes sense that when your best friend tells you they feel like their whole life has been torn to shreds that you’d immediately start sobbing.

Holtzmann has no idea how to get out of this rut, and she knows Abby wants to help but there’s truly nothing she can do. And it breaks both their hearts that they’re stuck in this situation.

And then there’s Erin.

Holtzmann could barely get the words out when it came to Erin.

But Erin had been right there with every rebuttal possible.

It didn’t truly hit Holtzmann just how much Erin wasn’t leaving until Erin had screamed at her about not being able to live without her.

Those three months weren’t good for anyone, it seemed.

“You okay?” Erin’s voice whispering in her ear pulls her out of her thoughts and she looks up at her from where she’s resting her head in Erin’s lap.

“Yeah.” Holtzmann says softly, and Erin’s arm that’s draped over her stomach comes up to intertwine with her hand, her other hand gently brushing back Holtzmann’s hair from her face.

Holtzmann can’t help but smile when she thinks back to half an hour ago, when she and Erin had walked down the stairs hand in hand to hear Patty cheer loudly and Abby shout “FINALLY!” 

“We’re taking it slow!” Erin shouted over them.

“Don’t matter. You’re back together and I’ve never been happier!” Patty says, cheering again. Abby had simply wrapped them both in a hug, tears in her eyes once again before she led them over to the couch.

“Alright, I think it’s time to officially call it a day.” Abby says, yawning and looking up at the clock, which now says it’s 11 at night.

“Yeah, I’m exhausted.”

“I think we’ll stay here a bit longer. Or do you wanna go home, Holtz?” Erin says, looking down at her. Holtzmann shrugs.

“This is home.” She says simply, and Erin smiles before looking up at Abby and Patty.

“Yeah, we’re staying.” 

“Don’t stay up too late. Lord knows it’s been an exhausting 48 hours for all of us.” Patty says with a sigh.

“We won’t, promise.” Abby leans in and presses a kiss to Erin’s forehead before doing the same to Holtzmann and grabbing her bag. Patty waves before linking arms with Abby and walking out of the firehouse with her.

It’s silent for a few moments before Holtzmann looks up at Erin to see her watching the TV, her eyes drooping slightly and Holtzmann sits up, grabs the remote, and shuts the TV off.

“Bedtime?” She asks. Erin smiles.

“Yeah, sure.” Erin stands and holds her hand out for Holtzmann to take. The second their fingers intertwine, Holtzmann feels a shiver go up her spine, and Erin leads them up the stairs to the lab, passing the tables full of Holtzmann’s scrap metal parts as she takes her to the bunk beds in the corner.

“Are you planning on wooing me, Dr. Gilbert?”

“I’ve gotta make up for last night, don’t I?” Erin says. Holtzmann chuckles, but her heart is racing wildly. 

“Erin-.”

“I’m kidding, Holtzmann. We’re taking this slow, remember?” Holtzmann lets out a sigh of relief and Erin turns to face her before dragging Holtzmann toward her by her arms gently, planting a kiss on her forehead before wrapping her arms around her. Holtzmann relaxes into the hug, the familiarity of it all helping all her problems melt away.  
She wishes she could just stay in this moment and bottle it for the rest of her life. 

“Erin?”

“Mmm?” Holtzmann pulls away and looks up at her, blue eyes staring at her in wonder. Holtzmann bites her lip and Erin’s eyes widen before she steps back, letting go of Holtzmann.

“I’m sorry, was that too much? I’ll sleep on the top bunk-.”

“No, no, it’s fine, I...do you mind if we cuddle?” Holtzmann mutters, and Erin’s crestfallen expression turns hopeful as she smiles.

“Cuddle?”

“Yeah, you know, like we used to, cause I maybe sort of missed cuddling you and feeling your body next to mine, or whatever-.” 

“Holtzmann?”

“Yeah?”

“Stop talking and come here.” Holtzmann grins as Erin sits down on the bed and holds her hands out for Holtzmann to take, which she does. They both lie down, and Erin wraps an arm around Holtzmann’s waist, her lips pressing against the back of Holtzmann’s neck lightly. 

“Wait.”

Holtzmann reaches up and takes the band holding her hair up out, and Erin chuckles before running her fingers through Holtzmann’s hair.

“I missed playing with your hair.”

“Mmm?”

“Yeah. I still can’t help but be shocked every time you let it down, it’s so long.”

“Of course it is, I haven’t cut it in five years.”

“Holtzmann!”

“It’s for an experiment!” 

“On what?”

“How long I can go without getting irritated by my hair and chopping it all off.”

“Would you ever chop it all off?”

“I don’t think I’d look good with short hair.” 

“You’d look like Ellen DeGeneres.”

“I have been told I do a wonderful impression of her.”

Erin laughs and shakes her head and Holtzmann hums in content before closing her eyes.

“Hey Holtz?”

“Mmm?”

“I know we’re taking it slow, but I feel the need to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“I love you.” Holtzmann’s breath catches in her throat and she grips Erin’s hand tighter.

“You don’t have to say it back.” 

“I want to.”

“But you don’t have to.” 

“Erin-.”

“Holtz, can you listen to me for a second? I’m mustering up a lot of courage right now to say what I need to say and if I don’t say it now I never will.” Holtzmann purses her lips and Erin takes a deep breath in before ranting.

“When Professor Filmore first told me he wanted us to do a presentation, I was so ecstatic. I couldn’t wait to show you and Abby and Patty off to everyone at that stupid university and show them just how much we’d excelled at something they never believed in. But more than that, I wanted to show you off. I wanted to show them how brilliant you were, how amazing and how completely and utterly amazing you are. That day...when he called me and was telling me that he wanted me to do the presentation on my own, I told him I couldn’t do it without you guys. That you were and Abby and Patty were part of this too and without you guys, I was nothing. But he wouldn’t listen. And then he said those things and I could feel it, I could feel my blood boiling and I wanted nothing more than to scream and shout at him and tell him how wrong he was and how disgusted I was with him and that I had no intention of doing that presentation anymore because I didn’t want to be associated with a university that said those things about someone who was so...so absolutely beautiful, intellectually and personally.”

Erin lets out a shaky breath and Holtzmann can almost feel her whole body shaking.

“When I saw you were listening...god, you were so angry. I wanted to tell you how I felt but you wouldn’t listen to me, and then I...I don’t even know what happened, these thoughts took over, these thoughts that maybe I should just leave, that maybe you and I just weren’t meant to be together, that maybe we were over because you would never be able to forgive me, even though I did nothing wrong, and I was angry at that fact and I just, I left. And the second I left I wanted to come back, but I figured that maybe you just needed time to cool down, to not be angry anymore, but when I got home, I need you to know, I called Filmore and I told him to shove that tenure and that presentation where the sun didn’t shine, and he told me I was being irrational and I told him he was a pompous dick-.”

Holtzmann turns and kisses Erin before she can get another word out, a moan escaping her lips and tears falling down her eyes as she runs a hand up Erin’s body, fingers groping skin as Erin cradles her face and kisses her back, teeth grazing against Holtzmann’s bottom lip before she pulls back breathlessly, pressing her forehead against Holtzmann’s.

“I love you. I’ve loved you for so long and I never stopped loving you and I can never apologize enough for leaving you but I can promise that no matter what happens, I will never leave you again. As long as you want me, I am here, Jillian Holtzmann.” Holtzmann closes her eyes and swallows the lump in her throat.

“I...Erin, I can’t-I don’t know-.”

“What?” Erin breathes. Holtzmann shakes her head.

“I’m scared.” She whispers.

“Of what?”

“I don’t know. I just can’t stop being scared all the time and I hate it.” Erin pulls back and touches her cheek, smiling softly.

“We’re gonna get through this, I promise. We’re all here for you, okay? I’m here for you.” 

“I know, I know...” Erin chuckles before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Come on, sleep.” Holtzmann nods once and falls back against the pillow with a sigh, and Erin wraps an arm around her again.

Holtzmann tries to block out the thoughts but it doesn’t happen.

Erin eventually falls asleep behind her, her breathing evening out, but even the sound of Erin sleeping doesn’t calm her.

Instead, she grips Erin’s hand in hers, content to spend the rest of her life awake.

As long as she’s protecting her heart.

As long as she’s protecting Erin.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning guys, this chapter does touch on some sensitive topics such as rape, so please read with caution. The last thing I want is for you to potentially cause yourself harm by reading something that triggers you!

Erin pretends not to notice. 

But it’s gotten to a point now where she can’t.

Two weeks have passed since they got that ghost out of Holtzmann.

But she’s not getting any better.

In fact, she’s getting worse.

Erin’s trying to pretend like everything is okay for her benefit, trying to make it seem like she’s not acting weird so that maybe, just maybe, she’ll slowly come back to her old self. 

But it’s impossible not to notice, impossible to not be affected by the way Holtzmann is acting.

Erin notices when she walks down the stairs with a blank expression, eyes brimming with tears that she quickly sniffs away. Erin notices that she winces every time Tessa talks, even though Tessa has managed to move past what happened. Erin notices that she has moments where she seems to want nothing more than to have Erin by her side, and moments where she wants nothing to do with her.

She notices it all.

“She’s not dealing, Abby.” Erin had told her best friend, and Abby had simply sighed.

“I know, you think I don’t see that, too?”

“Should she talk to someone? Professionally?”

“Erin, Holtzmann isn’t good with dealing with her feelings, I don’t think a professional can help.”

“Then what will?” 

Neither of them had an answer to that question, and it was driving Erin crazy that she couldn’t help when that was all she wanted to do.

Erin sighs from her position on the couch, her mind too preoccupied to get any work done as Patty walks over to her and lifts her legs from the couch where she’s lying, sits down, then rests Erin’s legs in her lap.

“You okay, baby?” Erin smiles sadly.

“Yeah, just...”

“Holtzmann?” Patty says in a knowing voice, and Erin looks at her.

“So you’ve noticed too, huh?” 

“Hard not to. She’s like a zombie walking round here.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t think there’s anything you can do, Erin. Just give her time.”

“She’s not getting any better, Patty.” 

“I know, but-.”

They’re both silenced by the sounds of footsteps pounding down the stairs and Erin jumps up from her position on the couch and turns to see Holtzmann reach the bottom of the stairs, her hair haphazardly held up by a bandana, covering the now jagged scar that rests on her forehead, and her eyes wide, the dark circles and bags accentuating the blue even more.

Erin bites her lip.

She knows Holtzmann doesn’t sleep at night. On the nights Erin spends by her side, she can hear Holtzmann’s breathing become erratic the longer they lie there. Erin doesn’t even know when the last time Holtzmann slept was. 

“Holtz?” Erin calls out, and Holtzmann’s eyes dart over to where she is.

“Yeah?” Her voice is breathless, and she walks over to Erin like she’s lost, looking around the firehouse with darting eyes filled with caution.

“Are you okay?” Holtzmann reaches out and Erin stands up as Holtzmann wraps her arms around Erin’s waist and buries her head in Erin’s chest.

“You are, that’s what matters.” She says, her voice muffled. Erin pulls back and holds her shoulders, looking at her in confusion.

“What do you mean?” 

“When you nod your head yes, but you wanna say no.” Holtzmann says, before throwing her a grin and Erin sighs in frustration.

Because this is how she is now. One moment she’s acting like regular Holtzmann and the next, she’s completely different, withdrawn and manic. 

“Jillian.”

“What?”

“What’s going on?” Holtzmann bites her lip.

“I said, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah, yeah, I said hey!” She pumps a fist in the air and she hears Patty chuckle on the couch but Erin sees right through her and takes her face gently into her hands.

“Talk to me.” She whispers. Holtzmann’s brow furrows.

“I can’t think of any songs that start with that.”

“Holtzmann.”

“I’m sorry, it’s a reflex.” 

“I know, but that means there’s something on your mind. Come on.” Erin takes her hand, about to lead her up the stairs but Holtzmann shakes her head and pulls her back.

“I just had a bad dream is all.” She mutters.

“About what?” Holtzmann swallows the lump in her throat.

“Holtz?” 

“I wanna bring him out.” 

“Bring who out?” Holtzmann bites her lip and Erin catches on.

“What? Holtzmann, are you crazy? No-.”

“Don’t...don’t call me crazy.” Holtzmann says, holding a finger up to silence Erin, and she sighs.

“Holtzmann, no way. We’re not letting him out.”

“Letting who out?” Patty stands now, and Holtzmann grits her teeth.

“I need to understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Why he did what he did!”

“Do I need to remind you what happened the last time we let a ghost out of a containment unit?” Erin hisses, and Holtzmann glares at her.

“You did that, not me, I have what I need to keep him contained, and I’m doing this.” 

“Wait, you wanna let that ghost that possessed you out?” Holtzmann ignores Patty and makes her way over to the containment unit, and both Patty and Erin rush after her.

“You can’t do that, Holtzy! You don’t know what he’s gonna do!” Patty says.

“Holtzmann, stop! Let us talk about this-.”

“You don’t have a say in this.”

“The hell I don’t!” Erin growls, and she grabs Holtzmann’s arm and spins her around to face her.

“Holtzmann-.”

“Let go of me.” Holtzmann hisses, and Erin glares at her.

“No. Last time you told me to do that, I did, and I regretted it. That's not happening again, now you talk to me! You can’t do this.” 

“Erin, you don’t understand-.”

“So help me to! Talk to me instead of running off with the intent of letting a ghost loose, this isn’t you, Holtzmann!” 

“What is going on?” Abby and Tessa suddenly come rushing out from the reception area, and Holtzmann looks at Tessa, who is looking at her in confusion.

“Don’t you want answers?” Holtzmann whispers. Tessa’s brow furrows.

“What are you talking about?” She says in confusion, and Holtzmann blinks back tears.

“Don’t you want to know why he did it? Why he forced me to do that to you?” Tessa’s eyes suddenly widen and she bites her lip, and Erin looks between the both of them.

“No. I know what happened was traumatic-.”

“I raped her, Erin. That’s what I did.” Holtzmann’s voice cracks, but Tessa suddenly runs forward, shaking her head as she reaches out for Holtzmann.

“No, that’s not what happened, he did it-.”

“But he used my body, he used my body to do it, why aren’t any of you seeing that?” Holtzmann croaks out through choked sobs, and Tessa’s crying now, too, her whole body shaking and Erin grips Holtzmann’s hand and cradles her face with the other.

“Holtzmann-.”

“And you? What he made me do to you? He made me touch you, feel you-.”

“Jillian, please-.”

“I need answers. Please, I just...I need to know why he did this to me. To her. To you.” Holtzmann looks at Tessa before looking at Erin, and Erin bites her lip as fresh tears fall down Holtzmann’s face.

“Please?” She begs, and Erin exchanges glances with Abby, who has her arms wrapped around a fragile Tessa, and she looks at Patty, who cracks her knuckles before nodding.

“We gotta let them do this. We’ll be here, we’ll make sure that ghost don’t get loose. We’re a team...we got this.” Abby sighs, but the look she gives Erin tells her it’s over. She’s lost.

Erin bites her tongue and looks at Holtzmann, sees the desperation in her eyes and says the one word she’d rather die than say.

“Okay.”

**********************************************************************

“Are you sure about this?” 

She’s asked this about fifteen times in the last half hour, but she doesn’t care. Holtzmann sets the containment unit down in the middle of the ghost trap she made, and Abby grips her wrist.

“You told me when you designed that that it sends the ghosts somewhere else, if we use that, it’ll just make him someone else’s problem.”

“I’ve modified it. I attach it to this-.” She connects a few wires between the trap they use when busting ghosts and the one she’s modified.

“I push down on the pedal, he goes back into the trap and we shove him into the containment unit again. As soon as I activate the lasers, he won’t be able to move. He’s not escaping no matter what.” Holtzmann says firmly, but Erin grips the gun of her proton pack tighter as Abby nods once.

“Alright. Then let him out.” Holtzmann lets out a deep breath before smashing her foot down on the pedal. The trap opens and the ghost flies out, and Holtzmann smashes her hand down a button and green lines suddenly form a dome around the circle of the trap. The ghost attempts to move past the lines, but there’s a loud zapping noise before there’s a groan of pain.

The ghost suddenly materializes properly and Erin can see that he looks like the man she punched in the face all those months ago.

It really is him.

Holtzmann’s eyes are blazing with a fury Erin has never seen before and Erin looks behind her to see Tessa clench her fists, her jaw tightening.

“I was resting peacefully.” The ghost says, and Erin grits her teeth.

“We have some questions.”

“Oh really?” It’s silent for a few moments before Holtzmann swallows the lump in her throat.

“Why did you do it?” The ghost looks down at her with a smirk.

“There you are...oh, I miss the feel of you, Holtzmann.”

“Shut up, you sick son of a bitch!” Erin growls, and the ghost laughs as Erin looks at Holtzmann to see her close her eyes and take a deep breath.

“I’m just telling her how I feel. She was the best I’ve ever possessed.” It winks at her, and Erin has to physically stop herself from launching forward and smashing her foot on the pedal. 

“Answer her question so we can have the satisfaction of putting you back in your hole! Just looking at you is making me sick!” Abby growls, and the ghost rolls its eyes.

“What was the question again?” It says, smirking. Holtzmann clears her throat, and Erin has a horrible feeling that this was all a bad idea.

Holtzmann looks like every second of this is causing her torture, beads of sweat on her forehead as she fidgets in her spot, hands tightening and untightening on the button that’s causing the lasers to stay up. 

“Why did you do it? Why did you possess me, why did you make me do those things?” The ghost looks back at Holtzmann with a grin.

“I told you, I had plans. We all did.”

“We?” Erin asks, stepping forward. He chuckles again.

“Everyone else who has unfinished business here. You think we don’t want to be free? We want nothing more than to go to the other side, but we can’t. And frankly, we’re getting tired of hanging around, unable to do anything about our hell that we’re living in.”

“So what was the plan?” The ghost shrugs.

“Kill the ghostbusters. Bring them over to our side, and make them help us be free.”

“What? We-we don’t know how to get you on to the other side-.”

“No, no, you misunderstand. You see, if we can’t go to the other side, then we’ll make this-.” The ghost gestures around the place and grins.

“Our other side.”

“What, the firehouse?” Patty says, confused, and the ghost laughs.

“No, Patty. Earth. Earth will be our other side.”

“So you’re trying to do what Rowan did? Let ghosts roam free?” Abby says. The ghost laughs again.

“Rowan was an idiot. He had no one backing him. Me? I’ve got an entire army.”

“Well they’ve just lost their leader, so I bet they aren’t doing so hot right now.” Abby says, grinning. He shrugs.

“They’ll find a way to let me out-.”

“I don’t care.” Everyone is silent as Holtzmann whispers those words, and Erin turns to look at her in shock. Her face is upturned in fury, and she grits her teeth.

“I don’t care what you’re stupid plans are. Why did you do that to me? Why did you make me do those things to Tessa? To Erin?” Erin’s heart starts racing as the ghost stares at Holtzmann for what feels like an eternity before he grins.

“You were strong, Holtzmann. I couldn’t keep a hold on you. You fought me with everything you had. I knew I needed to break you down.” 

“But you made me...you made me...”

“Have sex with her?” He nods toward Tessa, and Erin sees her shoulders tense up.

“I thought you’d be thanking me. She’s hot! Who wouldn’t have sex with her?”

“It wasn’t consensual.” Holtzmann growls, and the ghost laughs again.

“I think it was pretty consensual-.”

“I DIDN’T KNOW IT WASN’T HER, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Tessa launches at the table, and Patty grabs her and holds her back as the ghost roars with laughter.

“For what it’s worth sweetheart, you were the best I ever had!” Erin feels bile rise in the back of her throat as Tessa screams with rage, and Holtzmann shakes her head before looking up at the ghost once more.

“And Erin?” The ghost grins.

“Oh, Holtzmann. I had so much worse planned for her. For both of you. I wanted to make you touch her and feel her, and have her in your arms again...just so I could kill her with your bare hands so you’d never have her again-.”

The lasers disappear.

Holtzmann’s fires her gun, striking the ghost right through the chest and he roars with pain before Holtzmann slams her foot down on the pedal and he's sucked right back into the trap. Erin thinks it’s over before Holtzmann suddenly bends down in front of the trap and pulls a tab back where there’s a button.

“GET BACK!” She shouts, and Erin’s eyes widen as it hits her what she’s about to do.

“Wait, Holtz-.” 

She presses down on the button and there’s the sound of a loud explosion before Erin flies back from the impact, the back of her head hitting the ground before everything goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, i'm super busy atm but i'll try and bring chapters to you as fast as I can!


	10. Chapter 10

It takes a while for all her senses to return.

First it’s sound. A dull ringing that’s sharp and has her face screwing up in pain as beyond the ringing, there’s the sound of shouting and screams.

“Abby, get the fire extinguisher!” 

Then, it’s smell. Fire. The smell of wood burning and smoke that has her gagging.

Touch. The feel of wood beneath her body as she realizes she’s lying on her back, a dull ache suddenly pounding at the back of her head. 

Taste. She can almost taste the burnt wood and smoke in the back of her throat, but there’s something else there, too. A metallic taste.

Blood.

Finally, sight.

She opens her eyes and everything is blurry for about five seconds before she sees the plumes of smoke. She coughs, her whole body pounding with pain before she sits up slowly and looks around.

The lab is pretty much destroyed.

Holtzmann looks around at the destruction she’s caused. The tables filled with all her gadgets and tools have been blow apart, and all her equipment, her computers, all her technology, is sparking and catching flames, adding to the fire that’s rising in the middle of the lab where the trap had been.

All her creations are gone.

She blinks back tears and looks for her friends, standing up as best she can before she feels a hand suddenly wrap around her waist.

“I’ve got you.” It’s Erin’s voice in her ear, and she turns to see her looking at Holtzmann with wide eyes, tears falling down her cheeks and soot covering her face. 

Holtzmann hears the sound of a fire extinguisher going off, and she turns to see Abby and Patty setting them off as easily as if they’re proton packs, moving them over the fire in the middle of the lab before Patty turns toward the computers.

Holtzmann is frozen in shock, unable to move or speak or think.

It isn’t long before the firefighters show up, their sirens wailing and Holtzmann watches them fly up the stairs with fire extinguishers and hoses and everything is a blur as Holtzmann grips Erin’s hand tighter.

What has she done?

The fire takes about half an hour to completely extinguish, and by the end of it, an ambulance and the police have turned up as well. 

“Did another ghost throw someone out the window?” A cop asks the second he gets up the stairs, and Abby looks at Erin, who smiles as widely as she can.

“No, no, a ghost escaped our containment unit and we had to use an emergency tactic that involved, well...”

“Blowing the whole place up?” The cop says, raising an eyebrow.

“No one’s hurt, that’s what matters!” Abby says, looking at her friends as if to double check that they really aren’t hurt.

“Uh, I actually wouldn’t mind some medical attention, if that’s alright?” They all turn to see Tessa limp her way over to them, and when Holtzmann looks down at her leg, she nearly faints.

A chunk of the trap is embedded in Tessa’s thigh, blood pouring down it slowly and Holtzmann knows that if they remove that chunk, she’ll bleed out within seconds.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck-_

“I NEED A MEDIC UP HERE!” The cop yells before rushing over to Tessa, who looks pale as she grips the cop’s hand as he gently lies her down, beads of sweat forming on her forehead from the effort.

_I did this, I did this-_

“Holtzmann, my hand.” She looks at Erin, whose face is screwed up in pain and looks down to see her hand is white from how hard Holtzmann is gripping her.

_Great, now you’re hurting Erin, can you do anything without hurting someone?_

“I have to go.” Holtzmann lets go of Erin and practically races toward the stairs, and before the others can call her back, she’s down them and out of the firehouse in seconds, tears falling before she can stop them and her heart aching.

_You really fucked up this time, didn’t you?_

*********************************************************************

“She’s not answering her phone.” 

Erin resists the urge to throw her phone against the wall and instead clutches it in her hand tightly.

They’re in the emergency room of the hospital where Tessa had been rushed, and they still had no word on how she was doing.

Holtzmann hasn’t contacted them in the two hours they’ve been waiting and Erin has no idea where she is.

“She just needs time-.”

“Abby, she’s not in the right headspace right now! What if she’s...” Erin refuses to finish her sentence, her stomach turning at the mere thought of Holtzmann doing something that could put her life in danger...

“Holtzmann’s not suicidal, baby.” Patty says softly. Erin looks up at her, blinking back tears.

“She caused the explosion, Patty. She pressed that button, knowing damn well what would happen if she did.” Patty’s eyes widen and Abby looks up at Erin in shock, and Erin grabs her jacket from the chair, prepared to search the whole damn city for her when they hear a shout behind them.

“Boss!” They turn to see Kevin making his way toward them, a look of worry on his face and Abby stands.

“Kevin, hey!”

“Where’s Tessa, is she alright? What happened?” 

“There was an explosion at the firehouse. She’s with the doctors at the moment, I don’t know how bad it is, Kev, I’m so sorry.” 

“I shouldn’t have let her take this job, I knew it was dangerous, but you guys always save the day-.” Kevin runs a hand through his hair, letting out a breath of frustration and Erin feels guilt rise in her.

They failed.

“I’m sorry, Kevin.”

“She’s gonna be okay, right?” Erin is shocked to see tears in Kevin’s eyes and Abby rests a hand on his shoulder.

“Kevin-.”

“Family of Tessa Beckman?” They all turn to see a doctor making his way toward them in surgical scrubs, and Erin’s stomach turns at the sight of blood staining the blue.

“Yeah, I’m her brother!” Kevin rushes forward, and the doctor smiles up at him.

“She’s alright, just resting at the moment. We managed to remove the chunk of metal stuck in her leg, and we’ve stitched it up. She’ll be a bit high on pain medication, but you’re welcome to see her. Right this way.” The doctor leads them through the emergency ward and Erin’s heart is pounding with relief, but she’s still worried about Holtzmann. She grabs her phone and shoots her a quick text.

_Holtzmann, Tessa’s fine. At the hospital and the Doc just told us they’ve stitched her wound up, she’s okay. Please, just let us know you’re okay, too. I love you._

Erin sends it before she chickens out as they reach Tessa’s bed. She’s lying in it comfortably, her wounded leg lying over the blanket as she looks up at them blearily.

“Hey!” She grins, and when her eyes meet Kevin’s, they become wide and, if possible, brighter.

“Kev!”

“Hey!” He smiles warmly and wraps her in his arms, being careful not to hurt her leg and Tessa chuckles.

“Missed you! How’s the movie going?” She asks, and he waves his hand dismissively.

“Doesn’t matter, how are you feeling?” He asks, and she shrugs.

“I’m okay. Hurts a little.” Kevin frowns at that and Abby sighs.

“I’m so sorry about all of this, Tessa-.”

“Hey, no! Don’t, this isn’t anyone’s fault. Where’s Holtzmann? I gotta tell her, this isn’t her fault-.”

“Why? What did she do?” Kevin asks, and Tessa shakes her head.

“It’s a long story, Kev-.”

“Hey, no, you’re my sister, you could’ve died! What happened?” He exclaims, and Erin is surprised to hear anger in his voice.

She’s never seen him like this.

Tessa looks at him sternly.

“Kev.” Is all she says, and he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in before letting it out.

“Right, sorry.” She suddenly reaches out and scratches the back of his head and his whole body relaxes, his shoulders falling as he grins.

“Alright, I’m relaxed, stop!” He slaps her hand away, laughing and she grins. 

“I’m fine, promise. But seriously, where is Holtzmann?” She asks, and Kevin looks at the girls.

“Yeah, where is she? I miss her. Kinda wanted to ask her if she wanted to enter a new hide and seek tournament with me, I reckon we could win!” 

“You’re filming a movie, Kev.” Tessa says with a sigh. His eyes widen and he laughs.

“Oh yeah! I forgot.” She rolls her eyes, and Abby and Patty are looking at the two Beckman siblings in wonder, but Erin’s mind is suddenly wiped clean at the feeling of her phone buzzing in her pocket. She grabs it and sees Holtzmann’s face and immediately answers it.

“Holtzmann, where are you?” Abby and Patty turn to look at her, but Erin ignores them.

“Is she really okay?” Holtzmann breathes.

“Yeah, look-.” Erin puts the phone on speaker and holds it out, and Tessa grins.

“Holtzmann, I’m okay! We miss you, where are you? Kev’s here!”

“Hey, Holtz!” Kevin says cheerily, and Erin takes the phone off speaker and puts it to her ear.

“Holtz, come home.” She says softly. 

“She’s in the hospital because of me, Erin.” Holtzmann whispers, and Erin walks out of the room, ignoring Abby calling her name.

“Where are you? I’ll come to you.” 

“No, I just...I can’t see anyone right now, not like this.”

“Not like what? Holtzmann, please-.”

“I’m not well, Erin...fuck.” Erin feels tears fall down her face at the desperation and despair in Holtzmann’s voice and she chokes back a sob before taking a deep breath in.

“How...fuck, Holtzmann, how can I help?” She whispers. It’s silent for a few moments.

“You can’t.”

Erin doesn’t hold back the sob that escapes her chest this time and she hears Holtzmann sniff.

“I just need time. I’ll text you, I promise.”

“Okay.” Erin whispers, her voice cracking and she hears Holtzmann sigh.

“I love you.” Holtzmann says gently, and Erin lets out a shaky breath.

“I love you, too. Please don’t forget that. If you need me, I’m here, just a phone call or a text away, please promise me you’ll do that.”

“I promise.” 

The phone goes dead. Erin stands there for a few seconds, letting it sink in before she feels her knees beginning to shake and she leans her back against the wall before collapsing, fatigue and exhaustion and heartbreak hitting her all at once as she sinks down to the floor and hugs her knees close, crying into them openly.

“Erin?” Abby pokes her head out from the ward where Tessa is located and sees Erin on the floor. She sighs and sinks down next to her, resting her hand on Erin’s knee and Erin looks up at her with tears falling down her cheeks.

“She wants to be left alone.” She chokes out, and Abby sighs again.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Erin.” She says softly, and Erin nods.

“I know, I just...I want to help. But I can’t. I feel so useless!” She exclaims, and Abby smiles sadly and leans forward, tucking a lock of hair behind Erin’s ear.

“You’re not useless, you’re a Ghostbuster. And so is Holtzmann. But she went through something pretty traumatic. It took me awhile to get over Rowan possessing me and he was only in my body for an hour, max. That thing had Holtzmann for over a week and what it made her do...she needs time, Erin. We’ve gotta give her that. And you’re not useless for not being able to help. She knows you love her, and she knows you’re there for her. That’s all she needs. Trust me.” Erin simply nods and Abby chuckles.

“And you said you two weren’t that bad. You’re worse than a day time soap opera.” Erin lets out a choked laugh and grips Abby’s hand.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now come on, we’ve got two receptionists in there arguing over who is smarter and Kevin’s actually making a compelling argument.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one is short guys, hopefully I can make up for it with the next one!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THINGS GET SEXUAL. CAUSE...TENSION.

It’s been four days now.

Erin looks up at the ceiling of her bedroom, her fists closing around the sheets of the bed she’s lying on as she tries to stop tears from welling in her eyes.

Holtzmann said she would text, but Erin hasn’t heard a peep from her since the phone call at the Hospital.

The firehouse was officially out of commission for a while, with the Mayor promising to refurbish and fix the damage done do it free of charge (Erin’s beginning to wonder when their luck with him will run out), so Erin’s been stuck home, obsessively checking her phone for something, anything...

But, nothing.

Kevin had decided to stick around as well, and when Tessa had reminded him that he was supposed to be filming a movie, he had simply shrugged.

“I didn’t have a big part.”

“You told me it was a lead role.”

“I lied.” 

Erin suspects that Kevin has decided to quit the movie in order to keep an eye on Tessa, and she thinks Tessa is aware of it, too, but she doesn’t say anything, simply smiles and hugs her brother tightly.

She’s still in the Hospital, the doctors not too keen on letting her go just yet, so Erin has been visiting her at the Hospital as much as possible, desperate to keep her mind of Holtzmann’s lack of contact.

Kevin hasn’t left her side, and Erin hadn’t been surprised when she visited Tessa earlier to find him curled up on a seat, fast asleep with his glasses lopsided across his face.

“I didn’t realize he was so protective of you.” Erin had said, and Tessa had sighed.

“Like I said, it’s a long story.” Erin doesn’t push the matter further, but she can’t help but be a bit more intrigued about the story behind the Beckman siblings. There was clearly much more than met the eye.

But no matter how curious she gets over Kevin and Tessa, her mind always goes back to her.

To Holtzmann.

“Come on, where are you?” She whispers, as if the darkness surrounding her will answer. She turns to look at the clock on the bedside table. 

It’s almost two in the morning.

She sighs in frustration and throws the blankets off her, prepared to go and make herself a tea or something to calm her down when there’s a knock at her door.

She frowns before she stands and makes her way out of her bedroom, past her living room, and to the front door.

Who the hell is knocking at two in the-

She finds herself sprinting as soon as the realization hits her.

She composes herself enough to come to a halt at the door, her heart thundering.

_What if it isn’t her? Don’t go getting yourself killed, now._

She takes a deep breath before looking through the peephole of her door.

She only sees a wisp of that familiar blonde hair and her hand is wrapping around the doorknob and throwing it open.

“Holtzmann!”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out, Gilbert.” 

Erin stands there in shock, looking at the mess before her.

Holtzmann’s clothes are torn. Her shirt (which reads _“Watt is love? Baby, don’t hertz me!”_ ) is ripped to shreds almost, her pants torn as well, and Erin’s eyes move up to see her blue eyes are covered in dark circles, there’s a gigantic bruise forming on her cheek, her nose is bleeding, and there’s a scratch on her jaw that’s bleeding, blood dripping down her neck and Erin can’t help the gasp that escapes her.

“Holtzmann, what...”

“I’m not...I’m not doing so great, Erin.” She breathes, and as she steps into Erin’s apartment, she winces, limping and also clutching her rib and Erin puts a hand on her shoulder to stop her, which causes her to yelp.

“Don’t! It’s dislocated. Might’ve broken a rib or two as well-.”

“What happened?” Erin croaks out, and Holtzmann sighs.

“A fight. Well, fights, as in more than one-.”

“Why?” Erin doesn’t know why she asks, but it’s the first word she can think of, and Holtzmann looks at her before biting her lip.

“I thought I deserved it.” Erin can feel anger boiling inside her know and she blinks back hot tears, baring her teeth as she glares at Holtzmann.

“You ran out on us. You’ve had me scared shitless for the last four days and you’ve been running around getting into fights because you think you deserve it? You think you deserve to get the shit beaten out of you?” She growls, and Holtzmann’s eyes widen before she looks down at the ground, unable to look at Erin anymore.

“Yes.” She whispers. Erin shakes her head in frustration and grabs Holtzmann’s uninjured arm, dragging her along and ignoring Holtzmann’s little whimpers of pain as she leads her to the bathroom. 

“Sit.” Erin demands, throwing the toilet seat down and pointing at it. Holtzmann looks up at her in shock before slowly easing herself down onto the seat, wincing in pain as she does.

Erin tries to stop her hands from shaking, surprising even herself with how angry she is as she grabs Holtzmann’s injured arm and rests a hand over the shoulder, feeling around for the socket. Holtzmann gasps in pain as Erin’s fingers close around where the joint has popped out of the socket.

“On three, right?” Holtzmann breathes out.

“This isn’t like the movies, Holtzmann. If I do it quick, I risk doing a lot more damage, now shut up.” Erin gently brings Holtzmann’s arm up and she whimpers, but stays completely still as she extends it outward.

“You’re gonna do something for me now. You’re gonna reach up and scratch the back of your neck.”

“What?”

“Just do it!” Erin knows she should be nicer, but she’s still feeling that white hot anger flooding through her, and the sight of Holtzmann is pain is bringing her a little bit of pleasure.

_This is what you get for leaving me in the fucking dark for four fucking days-_

Holtzmann moans as she reaches up and bends her arm so she’s touching the back of her neck, and Erin can see she’s struggling.

“Reach for right shoulder blade.” Holtzmann grits her teeth, then moves her hand further to the right and there’s a loud popping sound as Holtzmann groans in relief, her whole body sagging.

“Fuck.” She whispers. Erin closes a hand around Holtzmann’s wrist and gently eases her arm down to her side.

“Stay here.” She rushes out toward the kitchen, grabbing pain relief and a glass of water, as well as three ice packs (Erin only bought them after she started dating Holtzmann, there’s two more in there), and goes back to the bathroom. Holtzmann is still clutching her shoulder, and Erin sighs.

“Move your hand.” Holtzmann looks up at her and moves her hand away and Erin rests an ice pack over her shoulder. She groans in relief and sinks back against the toilet and Erin shakes her head.

“Not done. Take your shirt off.” Holtzmann opens one eye and raises an eyebrow at her and Erin rolls her eyes.

“You said your ribs were broken.” Holtzmann sighs and looks at her seriously now.

“My shoulder. Just cut the damn thing off.”

“That’s one of your favorite shirts.”

“It's already destroyed. ’ll find another one, trust me.” Erin shrugs and reaches for medicine cabinet above her sink and pulls out bandages and scissors. She cuts Holtzmann’s shirt, ignoring her little sigh of remorse and removes it until Holtzmann’s sitting before her in only her bra and dark brown pants. 

It’s black and lacy.

Erin swallows the lump in her throat, ignoring the fact that her anger has turned into something else now as she leans forward and gently examines Holtzmann’s ribs, which are already beginning to bruise.

“Gentle.” Holtzmann whispers, and Erin looks up at her to see her biting her lip as Erin’s cold fingers touch the bruised area gently. She feels Holtzmann shiver beneath her fingertips and Erin pulls back, grabbing an ice pack and trying not to scream at the frustration building inside her.

Is she angry? Yes. Is she turned on? Fucking yes.

“Keep it there.” Erin says, holding the ice pack to Holtzmann’s ribs, and she nods once, sitting up straight and taking a deep breath in before wincing as she presses the ice pack against her body.

Erin stands now and takes Holtzmann’s chin in her hands, tilting her face up to the light. The bruise is shining against the light, and Erin sighs before grabbing the ice pack and holding it up to her cheek. She turns back again, reaching for a wad of paper behind her and wiping away the blood at Holtzmann’s nose. It doesn’t continue to bleed, so Erin moves to the cut on her chin. She grabs another wad of paper and wets it before gently wiping the cut, and Holtzmann looks up at her.

“I’m s-.”

“Don’t.” Is all Erin says, and Holtzmann bites her lip and says no more as Erin quickly cleans the wound and applies a bandage over the top of it. 

“There.” Erin’s eyes roam over the scar on Holtzmann’s forehead and her heart pangs.

_Be angry all you want, she’s hurting, and you being angry isn’t going to help..._

“I’m sorry, Erin. For not getting back to you for four days-.”

“It’s fine.” Erin waves her hand nonchalantly, but Holtzmann drops the ice pack on her cheek and grabs it.

“No it’s not. I just...I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” She whispers. Erin shakes her head.

“I know, but you can’t just run off, fuck, Holtzmann, we’ve been so scared the last four days-.”

“I needed time-.”

“No fuck that! A text just saying “Good” would’ve made me happy, you gave me nothing, Holtz! I thought you were dead, or-or doing something you shouldn’t be-.”

“Like getting into fights?” Holtzmann says, grinning, and Erin glares at her.

“This is not fucking funny.”

“No, I know-.”

“No, you don’t know! I love you, okay? You can’t do that to me! I understand, Holtzmann-.”

“No, you don’t.” She says it quietly, but the tone in her voice makes Erin freeze, and Holtzmann glares up at her before she stands, the ice pack at her ribs falling to the ground. 

“You don’t understand. None of you do-.”

“Then help us to! Talk to us, for fuck’s sake, Holtzmann!” Erin can feel tears falling down her cheeks now, and Holtzmann’s bottom lip begins trembling as she shakes her head as she takes a step toward the door.

“I shouldn’t have come here-.”

“NO!” Erin grabs the hand of her uninjured arm and yanks her back, and Holtzmann growls.

“Let go-.”

“NO! I AM NOT LETTING YOU GO AGAIN!” Erin cries, and Holtzmann yanks her arm out of Erin’s grip and turns to leave again.

“NO!” Erin pushes the door shut as Holtzmann opens it and Holtzmann screams in frustration before she’s suddenly pinning Erin against the door, arms on either side of Erin’s body, trapping her as she glares at the taller woman.

“STOP TRYING TO FIX ME, ERIN!” She screams right in Erin’s face, and as she takes in Erin’s trembling body, she feels her own body beginning to shake before she takes a step back in shock, and Erin pushes herself off the door before shaking her head.

“I can’t stop.” She whispers. Holtzmann shakes her head and looks at her.

“You’re fucking addicted, Erin. And you chose the worst fucking drug to get addicted to. It’s not worth the pain. I’m not worth the pain.” Erin finds herself scoffing and Holtzmann looks at her.

“You don’t get to decide that.” Erin watches as Holtzmann picks up the ice pack from the floor and presses it against her ribs again with a wince. 

“Look at you! You’re crying, you’re sitting there crying over...over me? Over this bullshit we call a relationship?”

“Our relationship was not bullshit. “You can’t walk out on us again, Holtzmann.” Erin says firmly, and Holtzmann scoffs. 

“You were the one who did the walking out, not me.”

Ouch.

Erin ignores the ache in her chest and wipes the tears from her eyes.

They’re silent until Holtzmann shifts. 

“I-.”

“Don’t say you’re sorry. Is that really how you feel? That our relationship was nothing but a lie?” Erin says through gritted teeth. Holtzmann sighs and looks up at her.

“Who the fuck cares how I feel?”

“I do.”

“It wasn’t a lie, Erin. Not for me.” 

“You think it was for me?” Holtzmann sighs again and runs a hand through her hair and Erin can feel the anger boiling inside her again, but it’s different this time. 

“Answer me.”

“Yes.”

“It wasn’t.” Erin growls. Holtzmann sucks in a breath and looks up at her, before her fingers suddenly release the ice pack at her ribs. It drops to the ground.

“Prove it.” She whispers.

Erin closes the distance between them and grabs Holtzmann’s uninjured arm, yanking her forward and crashing her lips against hers. Holtzmann whimpers against her lips as Erin’s hands reach up to grab her face, deepening the kiss as her tongue glides across Holtzmann’s lower lip. Holtzmann pushes her back, and Erin’s hand reaches behind her, fingers curling around the hinge of the door and she throws it open as Holtzmann pushes her back until the back of her knees hit the bed and they both fall, Holtzmann on top of her, hands roaming underneath her shirt-

Erin pulls back and places her lips at Holtzmann’s ear, tugging on her earlobe with her teeth.

“I don’t think so.” She whispers, and she grabs Holtzmann’s uninjured shoulder and pushes her back onto the bed, Holtzmann hissing in pain as Erin climbs on top of her, sitting down on her hips and straddling her as she leans back down and trails kisses down Holtzmann’s neck, teeth closing around her pulse point and she sucks gently, causing Holtzmann to cry out in pain as her nails scratch down Erin’s back. 

“E-Erin-.” Erin sits up and places a finger over Holtzmann’s lips.

“Do you want me to prove my point or not?” Holtzmann simply nods.

“Then shut up.” Erin growls, and she dips back down, trailing kisses down Holtzmann’s chest now, until she reaches her ribs. They both stop, Erin’s eyes roaming over the bruised flesh. She looks up at Holtzmann, who is propped up on one elbow, looking down at her.

“Erin...”

“Shh...” She moves back up, the anger and fire inside her dissipating at the sight of the woman she loves, damaged and broken, and she presses a gentle kiss to the corner of Holtzmann’s mouth.

“Let me take care of you.” She whispers. Holtzmann bites her lip and Erin pushes her back down against the bed, moving her way down until she reaches Holtzmann’s ribs, and she presses gentle kisses against them, Holtzmann sighing in content as Erin’s fingers move down to the top of Holtzmann’s pants. 

She moves down now, fingers curling around the waistband of her pants as she pulls them down, and Erin sees she’s got black lace panties to match her bra.

_Fuck._

She presses a kiss to the inside of Holtzmann’s thighs now, her arms curling around them as Holtzmann’s back arches off the bed.

“Erin...” Her voice is almost pleading now, and Erin kisses Holtzmann’s stomach before her fingers loop around the top of Holtzmann’s underwear.

She pulls them down, her heart hammering in her ears as she throws them behind her and sidles up to kiss Holtzmann, hands curling in her hair, which has long come out of its hairstyle and is lying in soft curls on the bed, before she trails them down, and she can feel the goosebumps erupting on Holtzmann’s skin.

“It wasn’t a lie.” Erin whispers. Holtzmann opens her eyes and looks at her, as Erin’s hand comes to a stop to lay flat on her stomach.

“Not for a second. I love you.” Her hand trails down and her fingers find the wetness as she slides two fingers in gently and Holtzmann’s eyes flutter closed as she moans and grips Erin’s shoulder, nails digging into the skin. Erin’s lips move down to Holtzmann’s neck before she trails down, fingers still working against Holtzmann, who’s writhing underneath her as she pulls her fingers out gently and presses her tongue against her clit.

“Fuck!” Holtzmann’s hands tangle in Erin’s hair as she works her tongue against Holtzmann’s clit, her fingers finding their way back into Holtzmann’s entrance and the sound of Holtzmann moaning sounds all too familiar and all too beautiful, Erin feels like she’s in heaven.

“E-Erin...” Holtzmann gasps out, and Erin can feel Holtzmann’s body trembling as she uses her free hand to push Holtzmann’s hips down, and she glances up to see Holtzmann has an arm over her eyes, her fingers clenching the sheets as her hips buck upward again and Erin grins before pushing her down against the bed once more. 

“Faster, fuck...” Holtzmann whispers, and Erin does as she’s told, moving her tongue faster, her fingers pumping in and out as Holtzmann whines and grips Erin’s hair before her whole body trembles and her thighs clamp around Erin’s head as she climaxes, and Erin lets her ride it out, slows down until Holtzmann’s body relaxes on the bed and she pulls away, looking up at Holtzmann, who lies there breathlessly for a few seconds before looking at Erin.

“Erin...” Erin stands and makes her way to the bathroom. She simply washes her mouth out with water before grabbing the ice pack still on the sink and walks back into the bedroom to see Holtzmann still lying there. She sits down next to her lying figure and presses the pack against her ribs. Holtzmann’s eyes open in shock and she cries out in pain before shuddering from the cold.

“Thanks.”

“Do you really believe that?” Erin asks quietly. Holtzmann bites her lip.

“I don’t know what to believe anymore. About us. About anything.” Erin lays down beside her with a sigh and Holtzmann curls up against her on her uninjured side, wincing as she places the pack against her ribs again.

“What are we doing, Erin?” She whispers. Erin shakes her head.

“I don’t know. But I think we need to sort it out, don’t you?” Holtzmann nods against her, moving in even closer as she sighs.

“Can we leave that for tomorrow?” She asks gently. Erin wraps her arms around her and rests her chin on top of Holtzmann’s head.

“You mean later on today?”

“Yeah.” She breathes. Erin chuckles and presses a kiss to her hair.

“Yeah, of course.” Holtzmann’s fingers curl into Erin’s shirt, gripping her tightly.

“Erin?”

“Mmm?”

“That made up for last time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Kate McKinnon voice* Oh boy.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, this is short, i'm pretty bogged down at the moment but enjoy! Also warning for sex, again, because...why not?

When Erin wakes up, the smell of smoke is the first thing that hits her and she finds herself bolting upright in her bed, looking left, right and center for the source until she finds it.

Holtzmann is sitting against her windowsill, the curtains hiding her from the view of the outside world, which is could considering she’s only in her bra and underwear as she watches the street below, a cigarette in her hands, which she takes a drag from.

“Holtz?” She turns to look at Erin blankly before she turns back to look at the street, and Erin feels her heart drop.

_Not again..._

“Holtzmann-.”

“I’m almost done.” Erin raises an eyebrow as Holtzmann takes another drag from the cigarette before putting it out against the windowsill and letting it drop out of the window.

“Should you be smoking with broken ribs? It’s not gonna help your breathing process.” Erin says, and Holtzmann shrugs before standing, wincing as she does.

“I’ll live.”

“Not if you keep smoking.” Holtzmann chuckles as she makes her way over to Erin, who holds out her hand.

“How do you feel?” She asks softly. Holtzmann sighs as she sits down on the bed beside Erin, taking her hand.

“Like I just got run over by a truck.” She says. Erin bites her lip.

“We should ice those ribs. And your shoulder. Then, maybe we can talk? About everything?” Erin asks. Holtzmann smiles gently.

“I love when your face does that.”

“Does what?”

“Scrunches up when you’re thinking too hard, or when you’re asking for something you’re not sure you’ll get.” Erin rolls her eyes.

“Come on, lay down, I’ll get some ice.” Erin throws the blankets off herself and goes to leave the bed, but Holtzmann’s hand flies out and stops her, hand resting on her stomach.

“There’s something I have to do first.” Erin looks at her in confusion before she sits back down on the bed.

“What?”

“Last night.”

“What about last night?”

“You doing all the work and getting none of the play makes Holtzmann a bad sex partner.” She teases, raising an eyebrow as she bites down on her lip and Erin swallows the lump in her throat, her heart picking up pace as she shakes her head.

“No. Nope, we’ve put this off for long enough, we need to talk-.”

“We will. I promise.” Holtzmann leans in now, lips brushing against Erin’s cheek and Erin inhales that familiar scent of grease mixed with lavender that now has the scent of cigarette smoke mixed in and finds herself being pushed down so she’s lying on the bed, Holtzmann’s lips moving down toward her neck and Erin lets out a shaky breath.

“Holtzmann...” She finds the rest of her sentence has gotten lost in thought as Holtzmann’s tongue glides across her jugular, teeth grazing the sensitive skin as her hands roam underneath Erin’s shirt. 

“H-Holtz-.” Holtzmann ignores her, her hands curling underneath the shirt and lifting it up and Erin’s helping her, lifting her body off the bed as Holtzmann tosses her shirt aside and brings her lips down to the skin in between Erin’s breasts, and she moans, back arching off the bed.

“Fuck...” 

Holtzmann chuckles against her skin, her fingers wrapping around Erin’s pajama shorts, which she slides down Erin’s thighs before removing them completely. Erin can feel her whole body trembling, can feel the wetness already beginning to pool as Holtzmann kisses her way up and down Erin’s thighs, her fingers playing with the top of her underwear, which she slowly slides down...

“Holtzmann, stop.” Erin breaths out shakily, just as Holtzmann lets Erin’s underwear drop to the side of the bed, and she looks up at Erin, swallowing the lump in her throat and licking her lips.

“Are you sure?” She whispers huskily, and she leans in, pressing a kiss to Erin’s inner thigh, so close to where Erin wants her-

“I...” Her tongue flicks out, teasing her and Erin’s back arches off the bed and she can feel tears beginning to pool in her eyes because she wants this, god she fucking wants this, but they need to talk-

“H-Holtz-.”

“Tell me to stop and I will.” Holtzmann says, her cool breath brushing over Erin’s clit and she shudders.

“We need to talk...” Erin breathes out, looking down at her, and Holtzmann grins.

“We can talk after.” Her fingertips lightly brush up and down the outside of Erin’s thighs and she shivers as Holtzmann leans down, tongue licking up Erin’s stomach before licking down-

“H-Holtz, fuck, don’t stop-.” Erin whimpers, and Holtzmann grins up at her before she moves down, tongue working gentle circles on Erin’s clit and she can her the whimper that escapes her as her fingers grip a fistful of the sheets underneath her body, her hips moving upward no matter how hard she tries to contain herself and Holtzmann is using her hands to push Erin into the bed, before they roam upward, hands groping Erin’s breasts and trailing downward as Erin moans, and if this isn’t what cloud nine feels like, Erin believes it must be a made up thing, because this is euphoria, this is pure bliss, this is heaven-

“Holtzmann!” She can feel her whole body beginning to jerk, and Holtzmann only goes faster, tongue moving in ways Erin believes must be illegal as she grabs the pillow beside her and bites into it to muffle her screams, fingers digging into the pillow as she climaxes and Holtzmann chuckles and gives her one last gentle lick along the length of her, causing Erin to shudder in pleasure as she throws the pillow at Holtzmann.

“You...cannot surprise attack me with sex.” She breathes out, and Holtzmann laughs before making her way toward the bathroom. Erin gathers herself together and slides her underwear and shirt back on just as Holtzmann exits the bathroom, clutching the ice pack from last night in her hand with a pout.

“It’s not cold.” She says, and Erin rolls her eyes.

“Lie down, I’ll grab you some ice.” Erin stands and walks out of the room, heading toward her fridge and opening the freezer. She simply stands there for a second, letting the coolness of the freezer wash over her as she tries to calm down. She’s gone four months without sex for many reasons. One: she was still undeniably in love with Jillian Holtzmann and two: she was pretty sure no one could make her orgasm as beautifully as Holtzmann could.

She’s pretty sure she’s still right about that one.

She grabs the tray of ice and twists it, loosening up the cubes before picking them out and dropping them onto a paper towel. She shoves it back into the freezer and makes her way back to her bedroom to see Holtzmann lying on her bed, still in just her bra and underwear and Erin, her mind still on the fact that she hasn’t had an orgasm like that in almost four months, swallows her throat and shakes her head to stop herself from launching at Holtzmann.

They need to talk. Desperately.

She sits down beside Holtzmann on the bed, who looks up at her approach, and grabs an ice cube from the paper towel. She looks down at Holtzmann’s ribs and whistles sympathetically.

“That bad?” Holtzmann croaks. Erin winces as her fingers brush over the purple and blue skin and she presses the ice cube against it gently. Holtzmann lets out a whimper of pain as Erin glides it across the skin, droplets of water falling down Holtzmann’s body as she bites her lip.

“Remind me to never again take on a guy who looks like he weighs at least two hundred pounds.”

“Holtzmann!”

“I thought I could take him!” 

“You are unbelievable.”

“I try.” Erin shakes her head, and Holtzmann looks up at her with a grin.

“So...”

“We need to talk.” Holtzmann’s grin fades and she sighs.

“I know.” Erin sighs, trying to ignore the sight of water droplets falling down Holtzmann’s creamy white skin and she clears her throat.

“Where do we start?” She says, and Holtzmann chuckles.

“No idea.”

“Holtz-.”  
“I should talk about it. Shouldn’t I?” She whispers. Erin smiles softly and reaches out, hand brushing across Holtzmann’s forehead.

“You should. You know I won’t judge, or say anything mean-.”

“It’s not that, it’s just...” Holtzmann lets out a deep breath and licks her lips.

“I don’t know how to come to terms with it.”

“Come to terms with what?” Erin whispers. 

“Come to terms with the fact that I feel worthless again.” Erin bites down on her lip, every part of her wanting nothing more than to tell Holtzmann that she’s not worthless at all, but she doesn’t, choosing instead to simply let Holtzmann speak.

“When I was a kid, I was always told one of two things. One: that I was special, or two: that I was a nuisance. I’ve always had trouble...coming to terms with the ADHD, and the autism...they tried to put me on so many different medications and all they ever did was make me sluggish and I felt like I couldn’t think anymore, my mind couldn’t process anything, so I stopped taking them, and I felt like I was stuck, in between this state of wanting to express myself and wanting to be myself, autism and ADHD be damned, or take this medication and basically bend and shape myself into the mold everyone else wanted me to be...”

“You shouldn’t have had to think about those kinds of things at such a young age, Jesus, Holtz...” Erin whispers, still rubbing gentle circles on Holtzmann’s ribs with the ice. Holtzmann swallows the lump in her throat and smiles sadly.

“Yeah, well, then I met Dr. Gorin, and...and she taught me that being who I am is not worthless. I remember her exact words, ‘Jillian Holtzmann, you have an IQ of 163, now stop brooding and hand me that wrench.’” Erin frowns, not exactly sure how those words are inspiring, but it has Holtzmann wiping tears from her eyes, so Erin goes along with it as Holtzmann lets out a sigh before pursing her lips.

“I stopped feeling worthless when I was studying under her. And then I left and I found Abby and those feelings never came back. And then I had you, and I had the Ghostbusters, and everything was falling into place and I felt like I was flying, like nothing could touch me. Then Filmore said what he said, and well...” Holtzmann whistles, her hand flying down before smacking down on the couch, the sound of an explosion erupting from her mouth and she looks at Erin.

“And then I lost you. And then you came back, and then I got possessed and I did things, or he made me do things, and I guess I’m just not...dealing? I feel like I’m worthless again and I don’t know how to stop.”

Erin’s hand is frozen on top of Holtzmann’s stomach now, and Holtzmann looks at her sadly.

“I’m trying, I promise I am-.”

“Shh...” Erin leans down despite herself and presses a gentle kiss to Holtzmann’s lips, and she sighs against her, responding lightly before Erin pulls away.

“I don’t know how I can help. And me saying that you’re not worthless probably isn’t going to help but Holtzmann...I don’t think you understand how much you saved me. For the longest time I was unsure, about being part of the Ghostbusters, about leaving everything at Columbia behind. Then you said all those things at the bar, and I realized what family was. That Columbia didn’t hold a candle to the feeling I got when I was with Abby and Patty...and you. I have never felt more at home than when I am with you guys, and Holtzmann, you? You’re my home. So if you ever think you’re worthless just remember, to someone else, to me...you’re home. And I think that’s worth something, don’t you?”  
Holtzmann blinks once before her bottom lip trembles and she leans up, wincing as she does before her hand cradles Erin’s cheek and she leans in, kissing her passionately, but gently, and Erin can feel Holtzmann’s tears falling on her face as she pulls away and rests her forehead against Erin’s.

“I love you.” She whispers. Erin smiles.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love you, too. But you need to promise me, that whenever you feel like this again, you'll tell me. You'll let me help, because I can't lose you again, Holtzmann. I can't keep doing this back and forth. You mean the world to me and I would go to the ends of the Earth for you, you know that.” She whispers back. Holtzmann leans back, looking down at Erin’s lips before looking up at her eyes.

"I know. It's just always my first response. Fight or Flight, you know?"

"No more flying. You fight from now on, okay?" She nods once, leans in and kisses Erin again before she bites her lip. 

“Do...do you want...” She trails off, and Erin raises an eyebrow.

“What, what is it?” She asks gently. Holtzmann smiles and lets out a deep breath.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend again?” She whispers. Erin’s heart begins racing and she can feel tears building in her eyes as she swallows the lump in her throat, but her response comes out choked, anyway, her emotions getting the better of her.

“Fuck, yes.” Holtzmann grins and kisses her once more with so much force, Erin falls back against the bed, then yelps when the ice lying there lands on the bare skin of her lower back.

“Cold!” She swipes the ice out from underneath her and Holtzmann laughs before straddling Erin and kissing her, hands reaching under her shirt and tickling her skin before she pulls back.

“We should probably call the others, they’re probably wondering why we’re not at the firehouse.” She breathes out, and Erin stops, biting her lip as she looks up at Holtzmann.

“Uh, about that...it’s closed." Holtzmann looks up at her in shock and Erin sighs.

The Mayor told us he’d fix the damage, they said it should be done by the end of the week, but until then, no Ghostbusting for us.” Holtzmann’s smile fades and she sighs before she groans and her head falls onto Erin's chest.

“I fucked up there, didn’t I?”

“Shh...we’re allowed to fuck up every now and then.” She says, fingers brushing through Holtzmann’s hair. Holtzmann simply hums and presses a kiss to Erin’s collarbone before sitting up, hissing pain as she straddles Erin’s hips.

“So, no work?”

“No work. We officially have nothing to do.” Erin says, and Holtzmann raises an eyebrow before grinning.

“Well, you might have nothing to do, but I do.”

“Oh, really?”

“Mhmm.”

“What?”

“You.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry y'all another short one, but enjoy!

“Erin...”

She’s pulled out of her sleep by the feeling of nails digging into her skin and Erin’s eyes snap open before the pain registers and she winces.

“Ow, what-Holtz?” She turns, blinking the sleep out of her eyes to find Holtzmann rocking back and forth, hands over her ears and her eyes squeezed shut as she lets out a small whimper.

“Holtzmann?” Erin throws the blankets off herself and sits up on her knees, reaching out to her girlfriend, who yelps and shakes her head, moving away from Erin’s touch as she bangs her head against her knees.

“Too much, it’s too much...” She breathes. 

“Holtz, what’s going on?” Erin can feel panic beginning to settle in now and Holtzmann groans before jumping off the bed and crawling to the corner of the room where she curls into herself, hands over her ears once more as she rocks back and forth.

“Holtz?” Erin can feel tears in her eyes now and she wills herself to breathe as she looks around the room for something, anything to give her a sign as to why Holtzmann is like this-

“Loud. It’s loud.” It’s a whimper, but Erin hears it, and her eyes move from Holtzmann, to the room around her, and then her ears focus.

The sound of music blasting from a stereo from the apartment above her.

“Bright.” It’s small, but she hears it again.

The streetlights outside. Normal for her. Not for Holtzmann.

“Shit.” Erin jumps off her bed, shuts the window and rips the curtains closed with so much force, they almost tear from the pole keeping them up. She runs toward her bedroom door and shuts it, which doesn’t entirely block the noise, but muffles it slightly. She can feel the heat already building in her room but she ignores it and rushes toward her cupboard, almost ripping everything apart to find the earmuffs she uses during winter. As soon as her hands close around them, she pulls it away from everything else it’s entangled with and rushes toward Holtzmann, who is still rocking back and forth.

“Holtz? It’s me, Erin, I’ve got earmuffs, and I can put them over your head.” Erin says this as gently as possible, keeping her hands away from Holtzmann, who shakes her head.

“Erin...” She groans.

“I know, I can help, can...can I touch you, Holtzmann?” She doesn’t respond, simply bangs the back of her head against the wall now and Erin bites her lip.

“Jillian, can I touch you?” She says firmly. The sound of her name pulls Holtzmann out and she looks at Erin with glassy eyes before nodding and Erin leans forward, slipping the earmuffs over Holtzmann’s ears. She adjusts them herself, squeezes her eyes shut, and reaches out with shaking hands. Erin grips her hands gently and Holtzmann squeezes them tightly.

“Breathe.” Erin whispers. She does as she’s told, her whimpers becoming softer and less frequent as she stops rocking and simply relaxes against the wall. She opens her eyes, brimmed with tears and looks at Erin before falling forward slowly and Erin grips her shoulder as she slowly lowers herself into Erin’s lap, her hands closing around the earmuffs once more as her head sits on Erin’s thigh. Erin gently brushes her hair back, her heart rate finally returning to normal as Holtzmann closes her eyes and slowly begins singing to herself.

They stay like this for at least an hour, Erin sweating from the heat, but refusing to budge, and Erin can see the beads of sweat on Holtzmann’s forehead, but neither of them move. The music from the apartment above them finally dies down, but it still takes a while for Holtzmann to recover. Erin doesn’t mind.

She’ll stay here forever if she has to. 

Finally, Holtzmann lets out a deep breath and sits up slowly, wincing as she does and Erin watches her carefully.

“I-I’m sorry.” Holtzmann says, her voice low and husky from lack of use and Erin shakes her head.

“No, don’t, just...are you okay?” She sighs before nodding slowly, wincing as she adjusts herself.

“In a lot of pain, but I’m okay.” She replies. 

“What happened?” Erin asks softly. Holtzmann bites her lip.

“I was thinking about everything that’s happened in the last few weeks, and then the music was pounding and the lights and...” She trails off, and Erin nods.

“It’s okay, I get it. You don’t have to explain.” 

“I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.” Holtzmann says, chuckling.

“When was the last time?”

“About a year ago. Abby nearly had a heart attack when it happened.” Erin can’t help but smile and Holtzmann sighs before reaching out and grabbing her hand.

“You handled that well.” She says sadly, and Erin brings her hand up to her lips. 

“I kinda put two and two together. I figured if I got rid of what was causing the sensory overload, I could help you come back.”

“Always putting me back together, huh? Maybe you should be the engineer.” Erin grins and Holtzmann smiles before jumping at her, and Erin can’t help but shriek before laughing as Holtzmann kisses her, peppering kisses all over her face before she traces her jawline with her lips and continues down to her neck. Erin can feel her tongue against her skin and she shivers before Holtzmann pulls back.

“Salty.” She says, wrinkling her nose.

“First of all, gross. Second of all, no shit, it’s like a sauna in here.” Erin says, rolling her eyes. Holtzmann grins, but Erin can still see the pain in her eyes and she brushes some hair back from Holtzmann’s face.

“Hey...take time, okay? Don’t feel like you need to come out of it straight away to keep me happy, or to look like you have your shit together, or whatever.” Holtzmann bites her lip before nodding once, and she slowly jumps off Erin, who walks over to the window and opens it. The cold breeze hits her and she sighs in content.

“Erin?”

“Yeah?” She turns to see Holtzmann lying on the bed, smiling lazily as she tugs on her ear.

“I love you.” Erin smiles and walks over to her, laying down beside her and pressing a kiss to her temple.

“I love you, too. What do you need?” She asks gently. Holtzmann contemplates for a second before she shifts herself, wincing from her wounds as she rests her head on Erin’s stomach.

“This is good.” She whispers. Erin gently reaches down, one hand touching the small of Holtzmann’s back and she jumps.

“That okay?” Erin asks. Holtzmann nods once against her stomach, and Erin’s other hand gently plays with her hair.

“Try and sleep. I’m right here.” Erin says softly. It isn’t long before Holtzmann’s breathing evens out, and Erin can’t help but smile.

They were officially back.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because I had no internet access and a lot of time to write over the holidays, I've basically finished off all my fics that I had writer's block on, including this one! Yay! Hope you guys like this last chapter, it's more of an epilogue tbh.

It takes time, but they get there.

The Firehouse is rebuilt and refurbished within a month, which means the Ghostbusters are officially back in business just as Holtzmann begins to find herself.

She visits Tessa at the hospital, cries as Tessa hugs her, chokes as Kevin bear hugs her and tells her he doesn’t blame her one bit. 

They become a family again.

There are still days where Holtzmann wakes up, slapping Erin and moaning as she covers her ears, and Erin patiently waits and coaxes her down, refuses to accept her apologies and simply lets her be.

Ghosts continue to rally, continue to attempt to finish Rowan and the Blogger’s work, to bring the Other Side to Earth, but they’re always there to stop them.

Those days are the worst.

Holtzmann struggles, but she pushes through.

Erin has never been prouder to call Holtzmann her girlfriend than in those moments...moments where Holtzmann pushes through the remarks, pushes through the reminders and continues fighting.

Tessa continues working for them, too, along with her brother.

There’s moments where there’s tension. When memories come back. When Tessa grips the table and she bites down on her lip and cries, and Erin comforts her. Or Abby, or Patty, or Kevin. Eventually, Holtzmann begins to comfort her, too.

There’s moments where everything seems to be falling apart. But they always come back together.

They’re united. A force to be reckoned with.

Holtzmann looks around the room, sees Abby and Patty squabbling over the last piece of pizza, sees Kevin and Tessa laughing at them both as Tessa rests her head on Kevin’s broad shoulders, then over to Erin, who tears her gaze away from the others with a grin and a laugh and looks at Holtzmann, her grin turning into a soft smile, and Holtzmann smiles back, a sentence from a movie from a long time ago running through her mind.

_This is my family. I found it, all on my own. It’s little, and broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love y'all, thanks for your support and I hope you'll continue to stay tuned, cause I've got a lot of one shots coming up! :D

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry but i'm not sorry :D


End file.
